


The Silence Won't be as Lonely

by orphan_account



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Canon-Typical Violence, Deaf!Mickey, Drinking, M/M, Mild D/s, Misunderstandings, Oblivious Mickey, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, lots of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 06:03:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3839830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian never thought he’d be in college. Or that he would be studying to become an engineer. Or that he’d fall in love with a deaf guy named Mickey. But well, life’s never really what you expect of it, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Silence Won't be as Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise, I still suck balls at descriptions!
> 
> A few things I want to say before diving into this story:
> 
> \- Mickey is 21, Mandy and Ian are 19  
> \- Mickey and Mandy are both in their first year of college, they wanted to start it together  
> \- Mickey, Mandy and Ian study Engineering, because I feel like that’s the only thing I see the three of them actually do, but that’s just my headcanon.  
> \- I use the word 'nods' a lot, there's a lot of nodding in this fic.  
> \- A good site to look up [ASL words](https://www.signingsavvy.com//)
> 
> I worked on this for weeks but I had to beta myself, any mistakes made are totally my fault and please point them out to me, nicely. Thank you.

Ian wakes up to the sound of people talking and laughing in the hallway and with a look at his clock, he realizes he’s already fucked. His very first day in college and he’s fucked. Jesus Christ, why did he even go to that party yesterday, he promised Fiona not to fuck up.

He takes the first clothes he finds out of his suitcase and puts them on – even if the colors are a terrible match – and checks his time table. He’s missed his 8:30am mathematics class, but he could still make it to his physics class at 11, so he grabs his physics book and his backpack and starts running.

Of course, because the universe hates him, his physics class is on the other side of campus and Ian has to run. Ian would see it as a sign that maybe this whole college thing was just not meant for him, but he’s just being fucking stupid really.

If it had been up to Ian, he wouldn’t even be here in the first place. He’s only doing this because he got a scholarship thanks to Fiona, and she said he could do it. She seemed so sure of it; she really believed Ian would be able to do this. So Ian thought he couldn’t let an opportunity like this pass. He’s already starting to regret his choices.

He finally reaches the building and looks at his time table to find the classroom.

Two flights of stairs and two hallways later, he’s almost there – with still three minutes spare – when he crashes into someone when he turns the corner.

“Dude, watch where you’re going,” Ian says even though it’s his own fault, but the guy doesn’t say anything back; he just turns around and gives Ian a stupid look before he continues walking. The girl walking next to him handing him the book he dropped.

The Guy walks into the same classroom Ian has to be in, so he feels kind of bad for making a first bad impression, but oh well.

Inside the classroom, there have to be about fifty students already. Most of them are sitting on their own or in little groups. It’s obvious that the year just started.

The Guy is sitting in front next to the girl that had helped him in the hallway, she can only be his sister, really. They both have jet black hair, piercing blue eyes and they even have the same nose, not to forget the share to same ‘whatever’ kind of look. Ian feels like he has seen the two before, like he knows them, but nothing is coming into mind at the moment.

The Guy is doing something with his hands and she stares at him and nods, then she looks at Ian. She just smiles sweetly and winks at him, so he takes it as a good sign. Ian smiles back and takes a seat behind them.

The minute he sits down, the teacher starts introducing himself as Dr. Simmons and gives them a small explanation about how the course will go for the first semester.

In front of the class, standing next to the whiteboard, is another man. He’s moving his hands and mouth at the same time but he’s not really talking in volume. It looks kind of stupid at first and it takes Ian a while to realize he’s _translating_ what Dr. Simmons says. Translating into Sign Language, that is.

Ian also realizes that the man was looking at The Guy. Who was nodding and typing on his laptop at the same time. Sometimes writing things down.

At the end of the class, Ian doesn’t even think he heard anything the teacher said at all. He has been so focused on the Signing guy, trying to translate things himself – to no purpose whatsoever – for the entire hour.

The girl in front of him turns around the minute the professor leaves the classroom.

“Hi, I’m Mandy!” she smiles widely.

“Ian.”

“Hi, Ian,” she keeps smiling at him dreamily and Ian looks at the guy next to her. “Oh, sorry. This is my brother, Mickey.”

She touches The Guy’s – _Mickey’s_ – shoulder to get his attention and he turns around and looks at Ian. He doesn’t really show any emotion at all, which feels a little weird to Ian. Though he figures that might just be the guy’s neutral face.

“He’s deaf.” Mandy adds casually.

“Oh?”

“It’s alright; if you talk slowly and articulate well he can read your lips, or you can just write it down.” Mandy shrugs and puts her stuff in her bag.

“Hi Mickey.” Ian says slowly, and Mickey nods at him, though his expression doesn’t really change.

“Wanna get lunch? I know this amazing place right off campus.” Ian nods and follows them outside.

***

“So you study engineering too?” Mandy asks, starting conversation.

“Yeah, I’m studying Chemical Engineering, you?”

“I study Biomedical Engineering, Mickey studies Chemical too.” While Mandy is talking, she keeps moving her arms and hands in every direction, letting Mickey join their conversation. Ian doesn’t know why, but he kind of loves that. And when Mandy does it, it just looks so easy.

Mickey doesn’t really do much at all. He follows Mandy’s movements, but otherwise he just nods and eats. Ian notices Mickey’s tattoos then, and he’s kind of surprised he hadn’t seen them before. The ‘fuck u-up’ on his fingers were vague and Ian can immediately see that these tattoos are old. Mickey must have had them since he was really young.

“So where do you guys live?” Ian asks.

“We’re from the Southside, though we barely go there once school starts. We’ll be here until summer, you?”

“I knew I recognized you two, you’re Mandy Milkovich right? I’m a Gallagher, Southsider too,” Mandy frowns.

“Frank Gallagher?” She asks, nose twitched in disgusted.

“Well, biologically speaking I’m not really Frank’s but yes.”

“I think I had a thing with your brother once,” Mandy signs along with her words and shrugs. But when Ian looks up at Mickey, the guy is staring at him with wide eyes and he’s also looking a little disturbed. Ian sees why, because Mandy doesn’t even try to be subtle about anything she says, as she goes on about her past relationship with Lip.

“Isn’t it hard? The signing? It’s like you do it automatically but doesn’t it need like, a lot of thinking?” Ian asks.

“I don’t know. Mickey’s been deaf since he was 14. I learnt sign language when I was 12, that’s 7 years already. Actually, it’s not even that hard? Like yes, it takes a while to learn but once you got it, it’s fine,” Mandy bites another piece off her sandwich. “It’s like riding a bike,” she says with her mouth full of bread.

Mickey elbows her in the arm and signs something that looks a lot like: “don’t talk with your mouth full.”

“Do you wanna learn it?” Mandy asks randomly.

“Learn sign language?”

“Yes. People are always taking the easy way by talking slow to Mick, but honestly how would you feel in his place? People talk to him like he’s retarded, which he isn’t. Sure he can read lips perfectly, but it’s not nice to constantly translate it in his own head. He likes it when people _actually_ try and sign to him, makes him feel normal.”

Mandy hadn’t signed during what she said, and on her other side, Mickey is moving his lips as if he’s trying to figure out what she just said. Ian knows that this is meant directly to him, and he feels both weird and happy about it. Happy being because Mandy clearly loves her brother and cares about him. She obviously wants her brother to have a friend he can talk to other than her, who wouldn’t treat him like a…retard, in her words.

But he felt weird about it, too. Because, well, it feels like some kind of responsibility is put upon him. Like he _has_ to, and Ian doesn’t hate the idea of trying to learn some ASL, he just doesn’t want to fail at it.

He figures that he’s probably one of a few people who didn’t run away the minute he found out Mickey was deaf, so Mandy got her hopes up.

“I mean, I can try?” Ian says, and Mandy’s face lightens up. On her other side, Mickey elbows her again and signs something. Ian is almost sure he’s asking what that was all about and Mandy starts explaining it.

In the end, Mickey doesn’t really give any reaction at all. He just looks at Ian slightly differently. Like he’s thinking that Ian isn’t _that_ big of an asshole. But there’s also some kind of confusion to his look because why the hell would a stranger be so invested in learning ASL for him?

Oh well, it’s a start.

***

The next time he and Mickey meet, it’s in their Chemistry class. Ian is already sitting on the third row, going through the pages they are seeing today, marking the titles, when suddenly he sees a pair of feet walk closer.

When he looks up, Mickey is standing next to him. He’s wearing a loose jeans and a tank top with a zip up hoodie hanging open. His backpack is hanging half off his shoulder and he’s pointing at the chair next to Ian, raising his eyebrows – and _wow_ those eyebrows.

Ian asks Mickey how he is and consciously he doesn’t talk slower, he just tries to articulate well. Mickey just nods and gets his books out of his backpack.

They don’t really talk at all during class, because Mickey can’t really afford to be distracted if he wants to follow to sign teacher. Mickey always types whatever the teacher signs on his laptop in big lines and writes down definitions. He seems pretty neat if his Word document is anything to go by, Ian doesn’t know why it surprises him, but he thought Mickey looked like a pretty messy guy at first.

***

For the next few weeks, they go on like that. They go to class, greet each other, sit next to each other and that’s about it. Most of the times he has lunch or dinner with Mandy or with both of them, but Mickey and Ian never really talk a lot.

Until that one day in their economics class.

Mickey is talking with his signing teacher when Ian arrives in class, and when Ian sits down, Mickey joins him. It’s just like every other class, except now, Mickey tries to talk to Ian by sliding his notepad towards him.

_Wanna grab lunch after?_

Ian is surprised, because this is the first question Mickey has asked him in his two months of being here. Or at least, _willingly_ asked. Ian writes _sure_ back and Mickey starts writing again.

_You know I don’t bite right? I’m not really that much of a socialite myself, but I don’t mind talking y’know._

Ian laughs softly as he reads the note, because one, he didn’t really expect Mickey to talk so nicely. It’s just like the time he thought Mickey would be a messy guy. Ian realizes just how quick he is at making prejudices.

_I’m sorry Mick, I genuinely thought you didn’t like me_

Mickey breathes out through his nose in some kind of huff as he reads it and looks kind of annoyed at the notepad before he starts writing.

_First, don’t call me ‘mick’ because yeah, then I’d have a reason to hate you. Second, I don’t hate you_

‘I don’t hate you’. It sounds so vague in Ian’s mind. Ian wishes that he could actually hear Mickey’s voice once. He just can’t imagine anything when he reads the notes. He really can’t put a voice to Mickey’s looks.

Mickey grabs the notepad again and writes: _stop overanalyzing it. I’m just saying that you can talk to me, if you want to. I don’t like to be put in a corner because I can’t hear._

_I’m sorry I made you feel that way, I’d like to have lunch with you._

Mickey nods and his lips twitch in a small smile when the teacher finally enters the classroom and starts his course.

***

Their lunch is going ten times better than Ian had thought it would be. He thought that without Mandy it would be uncomfortable, but it’s the total opposite. They have been talking on the notepad for about an hour now, ruining pages and pages with conversation that go from their favorite foods to football games.

Turns out, Mickey is kind of funny when he wants to be. The guy is extremely sarcastic and witty in the way he writes. He still writes in full and formal words, but he also curses a lot, using ‘fucking’ or ‘shit’ in basically every sentence.

Mickey also learns him some basic sign language, such as ‘yes’ and ‘no’, or ‘thank you’ and ‘you’re welcome’ which are basically the same thing and look like blowing someone a kiss. Mickey also attempts to teach him the alphabet and laughs silently at how bad Ian is at this.

 _Give it time_. Mickey writes when Ian gets frustrated that something as simple as the alphabet doesn’t even work for him.

In about ten minutes, they have to be in another class. So Mickey starts putting everything away and goes to pay for the both of them. Ian hands him money to pay him back but Mickey declines and pushes his hand away, signing _no._ Ian signs _thank you_ and Mickey smiles at him. It does weird things to Ian’s stomach.

***

At the end of their last class, Ian asks Mickey for his number. Mickey looks kind of smug when he writes it down, maybe he’s even grinning when he leaves the class and signs _bye_.

Ian texts Mickey his name and packs his bag. He goes to his dorm and falls on the bed, intending to close his eyes for five minutes, but falling asleep right away.

He wakes up to the sound of his phone beeping. Fiona had called twice and he has two texts from both Mandy and Mickey. The first text is Mandy asking him to get dinner with the three of them. She didn’t send it that long ago, so Ian asks her where she wants to go and gets out of his bed.

The second texts reads: _please text Mands you want pizza, she wants to go to a veggie bar & she’ll listen to you_

Ian laughs and texts Mandy that he feels like going to the pizza place. She tells him to meet them there with a smiley. Like hell Ian would go to a veggie bar.

***

“So are you going to the Halloween party Saturday?” Mandy asks Ian after they make their orders. She’s signing again and  it’s still as weird as the first time, she moves her hands in front of her face a lot or waves them around and it looks silly. It’s a little distracting, really.

“I haven’t heard about it, where is it?”

“It’s at a bar right outside campus, some people in my class organized it and it’s going to be awesome! I’m gonna be a slutty snow white,” she grins.

“Yeah that sounds cool, are you going?” he looks at Mickey and the guy nods. He types something on his phone and shows it to Ian.

_I got this awesome Joker costume, make-up and all._

Ian laughs, “didn’t see you as a batman fan.”

“He isn’t, just has a man crush for Heath Ledger and an urge to watch _all_ his movies.” Mickey looks angry at her and signs _shut up_ , Mandy laughs at him.

“Same, really.” Ian shrugs and Mandy’s mouth falls open and her eyes widen but then she just stops and looks kind of confused at Ian, staring him up and down but stopping when the waitress comes and serves them their pizzas.

“I’m surprised I didn’t see it earlier.”

“See what?”

“You’re just as gay as my brother,” she shrugs and Ian can’t help but let out a soft laugh. “Pity.”

“So are you coming to the party with us or not?”

“Yeah, I think I can dig up my old Leprechaun costume for one night.” Mickey chokes on a piece of pizza and Mandy and him both start laughing.

***

On Friday afternoon, Ian doesn’t have any classes. So every Friday afternoon, he goes home for the weekend. Though this time, he just needs to find the old Leprechaun costume he has – the reasons for why he even has said constume are totally invalid – and some clothes for next week.

When he gets home, Frank is asleep on the couch and Fiona is cleaning the kitchen. Ian drops his bag of laundry next to the basket and gives Fiona a hug.

“Hey there, soldier. How’s school goin’?” Ian grins when he hears his old nickname and nods.

“Going good for now, I’m keeping up with homework.”

“Great, any plans this weekend?”

“Yeah, I’m staying tonight but I’m going back tomorrow for some Halloween party someone invited me to.” Fiona says “sure” and stars filling the basin to do the dishes. Ian finds a fresh towel to help her.

“Do you still have that Leprechaun suit somewhere?” She starts laughing.

“Yeah, it should be in the basement somewhere, if you find it today I can wash it for ya, it’ll smell like meth or rat piss for sure.” Ian scrunches his nose and starts drying dishes.

“So who you going to the party with? Find yourself some guy you like?” she nudges him in his side with her elbow and grins playfully. He can’t help but smile in return.

“I’m going with Mandy and Mickey, they’re just friends.” Fiona frowns a little, the names are probably ringing some bell to her but she just shrugs it off and washes and rinses another plate.

“Mickey’s nothing for you?”

“I like him, but we only recently started talking, he’s cool.”

“Cool, huh,” she smiles.

“Hey maybe you know them? They’re Milkoviches.” this time, her frown was more serious.

“Mickey Milkovich? He’s that little thug, isn’t he? Nobody’s seen’em since their dad died.”

Ian didn’t know that their father was dead, he had heard about Terry Milkovich a lot for sure; rumors and stories, but that was about it.

“He’s changed. He’s a pretty cool guy actually.”

“Well, I trust you’re smart enough to know which people you can rely on. Go find that suit, I’m gonna wash it now and it’ll be dry by tomorrow morning.” She throws the sponge at him and pulls out the laundry that’s in the washing machine now, before sorting which clothes can go in the dryer and which can’t.

Fiona was definitely right when it comes to the basement. The place stinks of rat piss and there’s still a hint of meth from when Frank’s mom had visited. Ian grabs some gardening gloves that he finds by the door – why in hell did they have gardening gloves? – and puts them on before moving to the cardboard boxes by the wall.

He searches through them one by one, finding things varying from old toys to photo albums and even a box of books. Ian didn’t even know that anyone in this family except for him reads for pleasure.

After an hour of going through things and stopping to look at them – ah, sweet nostalgia – he finally finds the boxes with old clothes and costumes. There are a lot of costumes in there, like vampire and werewolf costumes, an abominable snowman costume, a batman costume and an entire series of ‘hot Disney princess’ costumes from when Fiona was younger. When he finds the leprechaun one, he goes upstairs and hands it to Fiona.

“How come Frank’s here?”

Fiona shrugs, “he lived with Kermit for like two weeks but the guy kicked him out again after Frank pissed on his new couch.”

“Jesus, he’s like weed. Try and get rid of it but it always comes back.”

“I heard that.” Frank mumbles from the living room. When Ian looks, he’s sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, mumbling to himself.

“Good.” Ian says. He takes his bag and goes upstairs. He might as well do some homework; he doesn’t have anything else to do anyway.

***

“Ian! You’re early,” Mandy says as she opens the door to her dorm.

“Yes, and I brought Chinese!” he answers, holding up two bags of Chinese food.

“I didn’t know what you guys liked, so I brought a bit of everything.” He empties the bag and put all the food on the table. He’d ordered all the regulars; shark fin soup, egg rolls, rice noodles, bami and all other sorts of good stuff.

Mickey immediately takes the shark fin soup out of Ian’s hands and grins at him. Ian would mind giving away his favorite if it weren’t for Mickey looking so happy about a cup of soup, really.

He’s never really been in their room before. It’s a little bigger than his, because it’s for two people – that’s some logic right there, Ian – and it’s pretty neutral. By the wall at Mickey’s bed, there are hanging two SPOON posters and some old concert tickets. It kind of makes Ian’s heart break to just look at them because Mickey clearly loved music and he clearly misses it, too.

On Mandy’s side, there isn’t much of a difference really. There are posters of bands too, like Escape the Fate and Fall out Boy, the only thing that stood out really was the poster of Katy Perry in bathing suit.

“Do you want something to drink?” Mandy asks. And right, _that’s_ what Ian forgot, drinks.

“What do you have?”

“Beer, Coke or tap water.”

“Beer’s good.” Mandy nods and gives both Ian and Mickey a bottle.

After dinner, the three of them get dressed up. Mandy is busy with her make-up when Mickey signs something at her. She signs back and after two minutes, she asks Ian if he wants to do Mickey’s make-up. Mickey looks kind of shy when Ian looks at him, it’s quite funny.

“Sure I can,” Ian goes to sit on Mickey’s bed next to him and Mickey shows him a photo of The Joker for reference.

“I don’t need that, I know what The Joker looks like, loser,” Ian says and Mickey raises an eyebrow.

Ian takes the white makeup and dips the makeup sponge into it before rubbing it all over Mickey’s face. He isn’t gentle, he rubs hard and Mickey makes funny and annoyed faces and frowns a lot, which makes the makeup even more perfect on his forehead. Ian grabs the black paint next and with the other side of the sponge; he spreads it over Mickey’s eyelids and around them. Mickey keeps his eyes closed during the entire process, which Ian is thankful for, because they’re so close and eye contact would probably make things weird.

Though when Ian goes on to the red paint for Mickey’s lips, he figures it’ll turn weird anyway. He takes the brush Mandy has laid out for him and starts painting Mickey’s lips and cheeks with red. This time, Mickey’s eyes are open and he’s just _staring_ at Ian. It makes Ian feel uncomfortable at first, but when he makes eye contact, Mickey looks caught and turns away. If it weren’t for the white makeup, Ian would be sure Mickey is blushing right now.

Mickey is about to get up, but then Ian notices the green hair spray. He picks up the bottle and starts spraying it all over Mickey’s hair and Mickey is running away from him. Ian grabs him and holds him into a headlock and keeps spraying until Mickey elbows him in his stomach. They’re both laughing by the time they let go of each other.

When he’s done, Mandy is staring at them, her lips formed in a small grin. She looks amazing and maybe a little toohot for someone who is _just_ going to a party. No, Mandy wants something tonight and Ian has some ideas of _what_ she wants.

“Ready?”

Ian and Mickey nod and they stand up, but Mandy stops Mickey and hands him some expensive looking earplugs.

“Earplugs?” Ian asks and Mandy nods.

“They were made for him specifically, it’s just for protection.” Mickey puts the earplugs in and watches them as they talk.

“Protection?”

“Yeah, think about it. Why do blind people wear sunglasses? Because the sun can damage their eyes. Mickey’s ears are damaged pretty badly and if there’s loud music, he needs plugs, otherwise he’ll be in pain for days.”

“Oh,” is all Ian manages and Mickey gives him a look that screams ‘are you stupid or what?’.

***

Even though Mickey is deaf, he dances like music is the only thing that matters. He’s drunk too, very drunk actually. It was around his fifth cup of punch that Mickey walked away from Ian and got swallowed into a crowd of drunk, dancing people.

Ian knows that if Mickey was sober or somewhat capable of knowing what he’s doing, the guy would never dance. Never. That’s just not how Mickey is, but this one. This Mickey is one hell of a dancer.

“How does he even dance when he can’t hear music?” Ian yells into Mandy’s ear.

“Vibrations mostly, he feels it. Just watch him, at the end of the night he’ll be touching the speakers and smiling, why do you think he needs the plugs?” she yells back over the loud music. Ian doesn’t answer and she just walks away in some dancing guys arms.

Ian drinks the entire cup of punch in one go – ignoring how he is probably going to hate himself for this tomorrow – and joins Mickey on the dancefloor. Almost half of the makeup has gone by now, the red of his lips smudged all over his chin and cheeks, the white from his forehead basically gone from sweating, even his hair is wet with it.

Mickey looks at him for a second and just keeps going, basically ignoring that Ian’s there. Ian doesn’t mind, in fact, something inside of him flutters because he’s so happy to see Mickey like this. Mickey who is truly having fun and enjoying himself. Who looks so careless, the wrinkles in his forehead that usually come when he has to concentrate aren’t even there anymore; his eyes are basically sparkling with happiness.

Mickey is also very drunk and very clumsy. He’s laughing with himself every time he stumbles or misses a step. When a girl comes close to him, he grabs her waist and dances with her for a few minutes before pushing her away and moving on his own again.

And just like Mandy said, at around 4am in the morning, Mickey is sitting by the speakers. Ian finds him there after taking a piss and it’s kind of sad to watch at first.

When he gets closer, Mickey is sitting cross legged in front of the speakers with his eyes closed and a half cup of punch next to him. He lost his costume coat somewhere and the green bow tie hangs loose over his shoulders. Both Mickey’s hands are touching the speakers and he’s moving his head to the bass of the music.

It would be heartbreaking if Mickey wouldn’t look so damn happy.

Mandy has already gone home with some guy, so Ian takes it upon him to take care of Mickey. He puts a hand on Mickey’s shoulder and Mickey looks at him.

“Let’s go,” Ian mouths and Mickey shakes his head. Ian takes out his phone and shows him that it’s already after 4am and honestly, Ian just really wants to sleep. He pulls Mickey up by his bicep and the guy looks pissed. Ian ignores the look and pulls him outside, finding Mickey’s purple coat on one of the chairs by the bar.

Once outside, he wraps the coat around Mickey and tilts his head for him to follow, but Mickey doesn’t want to. When Ian pushes at his arm again, Mickey yanks his arm back and hits Ian right in his face, for no reason at all.

“Jesus fuck, Mick? What the hell is your problem?” Mickey doesn’t do anything except pushing at Ian’s chest again. Ian is sure that Mickey didn’t even read his lips. He makes a another fist and is about to land another blow on Ian’s cheek when Ian hits him back, right in his eye.

They fight for a while and some drunken people around them just look at them and tell them to stop, other girls are screaming loudly. In the end, it’s Ian who’s able to have the upper hand as he straddles Mickey’s hips and holds both his wrists locked above his head. Mickey stops fighting back, just stares up at Ian with wide eyes.

“What. Is. Your. Problem.” Ian says loudly and Mickey looks away, his nose is bleeding and there’s a red blotch by his swelling eye. Ian waits to let him go until Mickey starts breathing evenly again and helps him back onto his feet. He looks at Ian then and puts his fist to his own chest and turns it in circles.

Ian nods. “It’s alright, let’s get some sleep.” He says and he puts a hand at the back of Mickey’s neck, pinches it a little and pulls him out of the parking lot. There are still some drunk spectators who look confused at the change of events, but Ian ignores them.

***

When Ian wakes up, it’s to a burning need to vomit and a head so heavy he can barely stand up. He does get up though and runs to his window and opens it just in time to puke out of it. He’s kind of lucky that his room is at the outer side of campus, so he doesn’t have to worry about puking someone under – except some innocent rose bushes.

All of last night’s punch and Chinese food vanishes in the green bushes and when he closes the window and turns back to his bed, Mickey has taken his place and is starfished all over the mattress. There’s still some blood on his upper lip and his right eye is dark purple but he looks content in his sleep.

When Ian looks in the mirror above his sink, there’s a bruise on his jaw and his lip is split. His nose hurts too but he’d washed the blood away before sleeping.

While Mickey is sleeping, Ian decides to go out and get some breakfast for them. He also passes a shop with school supplies and when he sees the whiteboards behind the windows, he decides to go inside and buy one with a couple of markers and then he heads back to his dorm.

Mickey is still sleeping, so Ian throws his pillow on top of him and the guy jumps up in surprise. Ian writes something on the whiteboard and when Mickey is fully awake to take things in, he shows it to him.

_YOU FUCKING SUCK_

Mickey huffs out a quiet laugh and shows Ian his middle finger, he asks Ian for a marker by making grabby hands and rubs the text away with the back of his hand, writing _Clever._ Ian smiles, because for a minute he’d thought that Mickey would be offended by the board. But to be honest, it kind of is a clever idea – or at least until Ian learns enough ASL to have conversations.

_So why the sudden urge to beat me up?_

Mickey looks confused for a moment, like he’s thinking about it, or maybe just looking for an excuse as for why he wanted Ian to meet his fist so badly.

_You treated me like a mother who gets her 5yo off the playground, me…not a kid._

Ian thinks about it, pulling Mickey off the ground, looking for his coat, wrapping it around him, forcing him to go home with him. Mickey has a point, but still. He takes the board and writes:

_Then don’t act like it. I brought chocolate rolls, eat._

Mickey rolls his eyes and grabs the bag with the food and starts eating. The guy must have a hard stomach because he doesn’t even look like he drank at all last night. They sit in silence as they eat and Ian tidies up his room a bit when he’s done. When he sits back on the bed, Mickey writes something on the board.

_Wanna do something today?_

Ian looks outside and writes, _it’s raining, and it’s cold, I hate fall. Are you suggesting?_

Mickey shrugs and just writes _I love fall_ and Ian signs _why?_

_Because I think there’s something beautiful about everything dying around you._

Ian laughs loudly and writes back. _You’re quite the poet._

In the end, they end up in the common room of Ian’s dorm and watch a subtitled movie together. There’s no one there, because most people are home for the weekend, or still asleep after the party.

Mickey was so concentrated on the film; Ian didn’t really want to bother him. But he sent him a text instead saying: _next time, we should go to the real movies, I’ll take you._

***

Mickey doesn’t look at his phone once until he’s gone, and when Ian lays back in his bed wearing only sweatpants and drinking some vitamin water, Mickey texts him: _I’d like that._ And Ian smiles.

***

On Monday, during their physics class, Mandy looks at both of them and stares. Apparently she hadn’t slept in her own room if she hadn’t see Mickey yet.

“What the hell happened to your faces?” Mickey and Ian both shrug and grin.

“Please don’t tell me you beat up some kid,” she half pleads half whispers.

“Mickey showed me he’s not a five year old.” Ian says and he immediately knows Mickey had read his lips because he starts signing the full story to Mandy.

“Oh,” she shrugs and sits down next to Ian and opens her books.

“Mickey told be you’re getting to know some ASL?” she says halfway through the course, while the teacher is setting up a new presentation.

“Yeah, not taking classes but there’s a whole bunch of stuff on the internet and YouTube.”

“I know, it’s good to start with. He’s really happy about it,” she looks at Ian. “No one’s ever done that for him y’know? He hasn’t really had any friends since he became deaf, so thank you. He might not show it but he really appreciates it.”

Ian’s stomach does that weird flip thing when she says it and he swallows hard.

“What happened to his old friends?” Mandy looks a little sad at that question.

“I’m sure he’ll be ready to tell you one day,” she smiles.

***

On Saturday morning, Ian finds himself at home alone. Fiona took Liam to Sheila before going to work, Debbie and Carl are out to their friends, Lip is probably with Amanda and God knows where Frank is hanging out. So when Ian is sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee watching a rerun of SNL he decides to text Mickey.

_[9:57am] to Mickey: My entire family is out and I have the tv for myself, wanna come and play some Halo?_

Ian puts down his phone and goes upstairs to put on fresh underwear, a shirt and sweatpants. When he comes down, he already has two texts.

_[10:00am] from Mickey: Dude, do you not get the point of a Saturday morning?_

_[10:02] from Mickey: I’ll put some clothes on, text me the address and I’ll be there._

Ian smiles and texts his address before cleaning up the living room a little. There are still empty beer and soda cans around from yesterday’s movie night, along with empty bags of chips and crumbs over the coffee table. Not to mention that there’s enough tobacco and weed on the table to roll a small joint.

Mickey arrives a little before 11am and holds a six pack of beer and some coupons for delivery pizzas. His hair is damp and a mess and the bruises around his eyes have turned a blueish green color. He’s also wearing baggy sweatpants and an old Nirvana shirt with a dark hoodie. He looks kind of… _hot._

Ian lets him in and sets up the Xbox, telling Mickey to make himself comfortable. He hands Mickey a controller and starts the game.

At 5:30am, Ian is finally able to turn his head away from the game when Fiona enters the house. He hadn’t even realized that the time had been going so fast and only finds out now how hungry he really is.

“Ian!” Liam yells and jumps out of her hands, he runs towards him and Ian picks him up.

“Hey little man, how are you?”

“’m good.”

“Fi, this is Mickey,” Ian says then. Mickey – who is looking at Ian’s every move – turns around after reading Ian’s lips and waves at her awkwardly. She looks confused but does the same and hangs up her coat.

“Are you staying for dinner?” she asks Mickey and he looks at Ian as if to ask if he’s welcome to stay.

“Yeah he is, he brought some coupons for delivery pizza, we could order some?”

“That’s good, I’ll call’em.”

Ian puts the game on Single Player for Mickey and tells him he’s going to the kitchen, Mickey nods and starts playing again while Liam is watching him intently.

“Hey Fi, there’s something I didn’t say last time.”

“Oh god, he’s your boyfriend isn’t he? I should have figured it out, you talk about him all the time! even to Lip!” she smiles and pats his shoulder and grabs the phone to call the pizza parlor. “congrats.”

“He isn’t my boyfriend! Jesus what is it with my family being so interested if I get laid or not.”

She huffs. “Then what’s up?”

“He’s deaf.” Fiona frowns and puts down her phone.

“Deaf?”

“Yeah, like in the ‘he can’t hear shit’ kind of way.” Fiona looks at Mickey from the kitchen and stares at him with a pitiful look.

“Jesus, Ian that’s weird!”

“Why would it be weird?” Ian is almost yelling, getting angry in Mickey’s place for the fact that people just can’t grasp the fact that being deaf isn’t a disease. He understands why Mickey hates the pity so much, because he feels angry just by seeing Fiona.

“He’s normal, he can read my lips and he talks back to me in texts or he writes it down, he even dances at parties and attends classes! _Just like every normal person_!”

“I know Ian, it’s just weird because I know what happened to him but not that he became deaf. I’ve seen this kid when he was 12 years old, it’s just sad.”

“So what happened to him? And anyway, Mandy made it clear that Mickey’s much happier now, he is going to college and getting a degree isn’t he?”

“He hasn’t told you yet?” Ian shakes his head; he _really_ wants to know, though. Because he knows Mandy won’t give him answers about anything.

“I’m not going there, Ian!” she picks up the phone again and types in the number. “I’m sure he’ll tell you when he’s rea– _yes! Hello I’d like to make an order!_ ”

Ian rolls his eyes and goes back to the living room. Fiona’s the second person to say it; _“he’ll tell you when he’s ready”_. Like it’s a fucking joke? Mickey is just starting to trust him, by the time he’ll be ready to tell Ian about it, they’ll both be graduated.

***

“So you invited Mickey for gaming day but not me?” Mandy says when she meets Ian. “Very disappointed Ian, very.” Ian smirks.

“I’m sure you had some fun on your own,” Ian says, referring to the guy Mandy had met at the Halloween party. Apparently, it hadn’t stayed with just one night. Ian sometimes wished Mandy wasn’t so _open_ about everything when she was texting or calling him.

“You’re right; I had so much fun in so many different positions and places.” Ian shakes his head and hides his face into his hands.

“Please stop.”

“So how were things with Mick?”

“Good, we had fun and he even stayed for dinner. My family loves him, actually.” Mandy looks confused for a few seconds but doesn’t question him further. She seems happy that Mickey had been accepted so easily. They walk towards their class then where Mickey is already talking to his signing teacher, just like he does before every class.

When the course starts, Mickey joins the two of them and bumps Ian against his shoulder. Ian has noticed that this is Mickey’s way of saying ‘hey’ to him, because he does it every time they meet.

_‘sup_

Mickey writes down on the notepad they always use. Ian smiles, because this is the way their conversations always start and once they get going, they usually don’t stop talking until the end of class.

They’re halfway down the hour when Mickey writes down: _have you ever heard that joke about this deaf guy?_

Ian frowns and shakes his head, writing _no._

_Me neither._

Ian can’t help it when he starts laughing so loud that the entire class turns and stares at him. But when Mandy looks over at the notepad and reads it, she starts laughing too. Mickey is just smiling, looking smug. Jesus Christ, Ian could not believe that Mickey is the one making deaf jokes now. Well, Ian guesses he’s allowed.

***

_[12:32am] to Mickey: So I’ve been checking the cinema’s website and there are subtitled movies playing on Saturday. You wanna go to the movies w/ me?_

Ian throws his phone on the bed in panic once the message is sent. Shit! He asked it. He sort of very much just asked Mickey out and this sucks. He just stares at his phone in horror until the next text comes in.

_[12:50am] from Mickey: Sure, sounds good. By the way, could you give me those math theorems tomorrow? I lost mine._

Okay, so Mickey didn’t see it as a date, which was clear. And while Ian was relieved that this didn’t go as embarrassing as he’d pictured, he feels kind of weird because he’d _liked_ it to be a date. But no, stupid Milkovich just said ‘sure’ and asked him about fucking math theorems. Fuck his life.

_[1:00am] to Mickey: Yeah, night._

Ian doesn’t get a response and goes to sleep, still feeling awkward and kind of annoyed with himself. Maybe he should’ve just asked Mickey if he’d wanted to go as his date? Although, come to think of it, that would probably be even weirder if Mickey would say no.

“Loser,” Ian says as he rolls under his sheets, cursing himself.

***

“So Mick told me you guys are going to the movies on Saturday?” Mandy asks Ian the next day during lunch.

“Yeah.”

“Like a date?” Ian almost chokes on the coke he’s drinking and shakes his head fiercely.

“No! It’s not a date.” Mandy gives him an ‘I’m not buying your shit’ face.

“I read your text, sure looked like you asked him out,” she smiles and wiggles her eyebrows.

“Well, it’s not a date, I’m sure your brother said so, too.”

“Yeah well, Mickey’s not good at reading into things.” Ian shrugs, it doesn’t matter anyway, and maybe he could ask Mickey out another time.

“So I was thinking about being your tutor,” Mandy starts, changing subjects.

“Tutor?”

“Yes, I’ll be your ASL tutor. I think it’s about time we teach you the real deal instead of those crappy YouTube videos.”

Ian doesn’t know why but he feels happy all of the sudden. He’s thought about following classes because the YouTube videos weren’t getting him any further. But they can barely pay his studies now, even with the scholarship, and Ian knows they won’t be able to pay the ASL class on top of that.

“You’d want to do that?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t suggest it if I wouldn’t. How about I’ll come by after your last class with some dinner and we’ll start.”

“Sure, awesome.” Ian knows that someone should not be so excited about _learning_ something, but yet, here he was. It thrilled him to know that one day – maybe even soon – he’d be able to have an actual conversation with Mickey that doesn’t involve a whiteboard or notepad.

***

Ian can already smell the Indian takeout before Mandy knocks on his door, so he lets her in even before she could knock and she makes herself comfortable once she’s inside.

“Okay, so let’s start with the basics,” she says, after they ate. She sits cross-legged on the middle of the bed and pats on the space in front of her, inviting Ian to join him.

“I want you to show me the alphabet.” So he does. He’d practiced on it a lot and did what she asked without problem.

“Okay, good. I’m gonna write down a bunch of names and you’re gonna spell them one by one, as fast as you can.” She takes the whiteboard that’s lying next to the bed and starts writing a bunch of names down. Ian knows some of them; they’re mostly classmates or teacher’s names.

By the end of the evening, Ian can describe his entire family and talk about the weather. Much to his surprise, it isn’t even hard anymore. It’s a little tricky to master it, and he makes some mistakes but once the movement is in his head, it’s logical. Like Mandy said, it’s like riding a bike.

So the next day, when he meets Mickey outside of their science building, he greets him and tells him about the weather and Mickey looks confused, but he does answer.

***

On Saturday, Ian is nervous as hell and almost considering going to his dorm again when he’s at Mickey’s door. But Mandy doesn’t even give him the chance to do that because suddenly the door swings open and she smiles at him smugly as she pulls him inside.

“Look at you handsome, all ready for your date!”

“Shut up.” Ian says and she grins again.

Mickey is ready and holding up his coat. His hair is combed back with gel and he’s even wearing a checkered shirt. Ian is almost sure that’s Mandy’s doing and when he looks at Mickey’s face, he’s definitely right. Mickey looks uncomfortable and shy. He signs Mandy goodbye and pushes Ian back out of the door.

They walk to the bus stop in silence and once they’re on the bus, they text until they’re at their stop. The texting is definitely easier than writing on notes, mostly because it’s faster. Mickey immediately loosens up again and acts normal by the time they arrive.

The movie itself isn’t bad really. It’s just an older action film with a lot of guns and sport cars and everything that Ian usually likes. But he can’t really concentrate on the film at all. He’s constantly thinking about everything and nothing – in other words, he’s constantly thinking about how he could tell Mickey he kind of wants to try more than being _just_ friends.

Although, Ian has never been in an actual, stable relationship, and what if he fucks it up? He really likes Mickey and fucking up would be the last thing he wants. And anyway, Ian’s almost 90 percent sure that Mickey doesn’t see him that way, they’re just friends.

 _Jesus Christ I can almost_ hear _you thinking_ Mickey holds his phone in front of Ian’s face and Ian chuckles and rolls his eyes.

 _What’s up?_ Mickey signs when they walk out of the cinema. Ian shrugs and signs _nothing_.

Mickey lets it go – why does Ian feel disappointed about this? – and shrugs too and on their way back to campus, he tells Ian he really enjoyed seeing a movie on big screen again and thanks him. Ian smiles in return and says _you’re welcome_ before Mickey walks inside of his dorm and closes the door.

***

They don’t really see each other a lot outside of class after that day. But that’s mostly because it’s December already and they have to prepare for the finals. Some days they do have lunch together though, but it’s always the three of them and the subject of their conversations are always school and what they’re doing for the holidays.

Mickey and Mandy still have an aunt apparently where they will spend Christmas with their brothers. But since they have no plans for New Year’s Eve, they decide to go to the NYE party on campus.

Once the finals start, there is no contact anymore. Not with Mandy nor Mickey, not with his brothers and sisters and not even with his neighbor students. There’s no sound of music, no noisy people in the hallway, just silence and the smell of coffee and energy drinks.

Ian is going through his mathematics notes the day before his exams, rereading theorems ten times but not actually understanding them. He hasn’t been sleeping well and he’s nervous as hell, on days like these he just wishes he never went to college. It’s like his notes are laughing in his face on said moments and his room is just too silent to concentrate. He needs to go somewhere and see people after being locked up in his own dorm for two weeks. So he decides to go to the library.

The library is the total opposite of his dorm. There are hundreds of people everywhere. Every chair is occupied and there are students even sitting on the ground between aisles of bookshelves. Even though the library is ‘quiet’, it isn’t quiet at all. There’s the sound of people coughing and blowing their noses, the sound of markers and pens on paper, the sound of pages being turned and echoes of music from people who have their headphones too loud.

Even the smell is weird. It’s not just old books and dust anymore. But a mix of sweat, coffee, tea and different perfumes.

Though when Ian sits down on the ground next to the window and takes his notes out of his bag, the studying goes easier. The sounds on the background don’t distract him like he thought, but they make it better somehow. And even while he’s trying to study, this still makes him think of Mickey.

How in hell does Mickey even study in silence like that? How does it work for him? How does he repeat things in his head? Is it just like Ian? Does he still hear his own thoughts? Ian has hundreds of stupid questions building up in his head and gets more worked up with every single one.

But he wakes up from his silent questioning and daydreaming when suddenly Mickey himself is crouching right in front of him and shaking his feet. Mickey is smiling weirdly at him and signs _what’s up?_ before sitting next to Ian.

Ian shrugs and looks at Mickey. His hair isn’t styled like he does normally; instead, it’s hanging on his head like he just came out of bed. He’s wearing a college sweatshirt, sweatpants with sneakers and his backpack is thrown next to Ian’s feet.

 _I can’t get these theorems and definitions in my head._ Ian writes down on one of his pages and Mickey writes _join the club, man_ right under it.

They don’t really talk anymore after that, they just study and exchange some notes and before they know it it’s 7:30 already and most people have left the library.

 _Food?_ Mickey signs. Ian nods and puts his stuff in his backpack. He might as well take a short break, it’s not like one or two hours of studying will make a difference. They order some takeaway pizza in the on-campus pizza parlor and take it to Ian’s dorm to eat. Mickey doesn’t even bat an eye when they enter Ian’s dorm, even though the place stinks of sleep, sweat and old noodles. He does smile, though, when Ian places the whiteboard and markers on the bed for him.

Ian puts on a subtitled Zach Galifianakis movie and they eat in silence, sometimes laughing at some stupid one liners. It’s a good change during the exam period and Ian didn’t know how much he needed a break until now. Even though his exam is tomorrow, he doesn’t feel nervous at all.

_You’ve gotten pretty good at signing_

Mickey writes on the whiteboard when the movie ends.

 _I know a lot of words, can’t really keep conversations tho. Mandy helps a lot_ Ian writes back and Mickey shrugs at him like he doesn’t mind.

 _At least you’re trying_ he smiles at Ian when he shows it to him. It’s a small smile, but Ian knows it’s Mickey thanking him so he smiles back.

_So how is the studying going?_

_Good, I know everything so I’ll b fine._

_Can I ask you smt?_

_How do you study?_

_The exact same way everyone does._ Ian nods and decides he won’t keep asking questions because to Mickey, the questions might sound stupid or offending and he doesn’t want to be _that_ kind of person.

_I should go, getting late_

Ian checks the clock and yes, it’s already 11pm and they still need to study a little for tomorrow.

 _Or you could sleep here?_ Mickey seems hesitant at first but figures he has everything he needs with him, so he nods and leans backwards on Ian’s bed so his back is against the wall. After that, they study for a few more hours before going to bed.

Ian pulls off all his clothes, keeping only his underwear on to sleep. Mickey does the same, though he keeps his undershirt on, and when Ian turns around to set his alarm, Mickey crawls under the covers and takes Ian’s spot by the wall.

Even though Ian knows that Mickey won’t hear it, he whispers “goodnight” anyway, because it only seems polite to him to wish someone goodnight. Mickey stares at him and smiles softly before looking away, Ian is sure that if the light would be on now, Mickey would be blushing.

***

Ian wakes up seven minutes before his alarm. There are arms wrapped around his waist and thighs against the back of his and it takes a while before Ian realizes that Mickey is sleeping in his bed…and tightly holding onto him. He doesn’t want to get out of bed at all and catches himself on how much he likes this, how much he likes Mickey’s soft sighs in his neck and Mickey’s fingers on his chest.

“Good job, Ian.” He curses to himself, because he did it. He absolutely did it and by _It_ meaning falling hopelessly in love with Mickey. Ian hates himself for it because there’s totally no going back to normal after this, or at least not for him.

He softly takes Mickey’s hands to release them and untangles himself from Mickey’s body, trying hard not to rouse the guy but failing miserably when Mickey suddenly jumps awake. He’s a little disoriented at first, trying to get used to the light and looking around to put a place to the room he’s in.

 _Morning_ Ian signs and Mickey grunts and falls back against the mattress, taking the covers with him and pulling them over his head. Ian laughs and pulls them back but Mickey doesn’t cave in and the cover-pulling soon turns into an entire fight of the covers and pillows until both of them end up lying on the bed laughing.

The playing around doesn’t go on for long though, because in only a few hours they have to go and make their exams and there’s still a lot of revising to do.

 _Imma go to the library for a few hours_ Mickey writes down on the whiteboard and Ian just signs _OK._ If Mickey studies better in the library, that’s his choice. Maybe Ian will concentrate a little better when he’s not in an enclosed space with Mickey either.

Turns out, he doesn’t.

***

Soon enough the exams are over and before he really realizes it, Ian is sitting at the table having Christmas dinner with his family. It’s nice to be home like this again. Debbie’s talking about this boy she likes and how he might like her back, Carl told Ian he went down on a girl last week – and Ian did not need to know that – and Lip is talking about how his own exams went.

It’s noisy and warm and it smells like food and alcohol and he’s home again. It’s so good.

“So what’s Mickey doing tonight?” Fiona asks him as Ian passes her the salad.

“Dinner at his aunt’s with his siblings.”

“Aunt?” Lip interferes, “I didn’t know they had any family left?”

“I was surprised too, turns out they live there during breaks or something.”

They don’t ask any more questions and move on to the next subject. Because that’s how it goes with them, they talk about one thing for five minutes and lose interest. Ian both loves and hates it, but it’s not like he wants to talk about it anyway.

He thought about sending Mickey a text or something, but after Mickey stayed over last time, they hadn’t really talked that much. Maybe a few words here and there when they went to do their exam, but that was about it. Ian tried not to care and ignored how miserably he failed at it.

***

The next day, Ian wakes up to Liam pushing at his shoulders saying “c’mon Ian, Santa came!” before he runs out of the room. Ian doesn’t know how Fiona still manages to make him believe in Santa, but he thinks that it might be Liam just trying to convince himself for as long as possible in order to get more presents.

He unlocks his phone and finds a text from Mickey and Mandy.

_[8:29am] from Mickey: Holly Jolly Christmas loser, see you Saturday._

_[8:32am] from Mandy: Merry Christmas, I got you something, can’t wait to see your face. ;-)_

Ian smirks and answers both of them back with ‘Merry Christmas’ before going downstairs. Almost everyone is already sitting downstairs in the living room. They’re only waiting for Lip and then they can begin. Liam is already looking through all the presents and looking for the ones with his name on it, setting them aside to open once Lip arrives.

In the end, Ian gets two new video games, a gift card at his favorite clothing shop, a book he needs for his next semester and socks. They drink hot cocoa with marshmallows that Debbie makes and eat banana and honey pancakes. All in all, it’s a pretty good day.

***

There’s a dress code for the New Year’s Eve party; formal clothing is a must. So when the bell rings and Ian opens the door, he can’t stop his mouth from opening and his eyes from staring as he sees Mickey. He looks like someone right out of a magazine, wearing a dark blue suit, a white shirt and blue tie with these shining brown dressing shoes. His hair is styled totally differently than normal and he even has a pocket square, matching his tie.

“Do you need me to get a bucket?” Mandy asks and Ian jumps in surprise to let them in. Mandy looks smug, knowing exactly what was going on in Ian’s head.

Mandy though, looks like she's worth a thousand bucks. Her dress matches Mickey’s with its same dark blue color, except it’s sequined and shiny. It’s a short bustier dress and she’s wearing silver accessories with a black blazer and black high heels.

When the two siblings walk into the living room, it’s Lip’s turn to drool at the sight of Mandy in front of him.

“You guys look amazing,” Ian finally says and both Mickey and Mandy blush at that. Fiona offers them both a drink before the party and they end up staying at the house for another hour. Even Debbie joins them before going to her own party. She even asks Mandy to help her with her hair.

 

About an hour before midnight, they finally arrive at the party. They lose Mandy immediately as she’s being pulled away onto the dancefloor by her boyfriend Jordan. Which leaves Mickey and Ian alone at the side and it’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable too, because they’ve never been awkward. Usually they know what to do or say but now it’s just…weird.

There’s a guy walking around with a tray of champagne and Ian takes two glasses and gives Mickey one.

It takes them about four glasses each to really get loose and start moving into the crowd too.

Ten minutes before midnight, everyone moves outside to count and watch the fireworks and Mickey takes Ian’s wrist and pulls him to the parking lot. They end up in the back of a pick-up truck – which luckily didn’t go in alarm when they jumped in the back – and sit there silently.

Mickey takes something out of the back pocket of his dress pants and Ian has to say he’s surprised when he sees Mickey holding a small bag of weed and one joint. Ian lights it up for them and they share the joint to the butt. It’s some amazing quality weed that Mickey’s giving him because Ian quickly feels the effects. But that might also be because he hasn’t been high since summer.

Ian warns Mickey there’s only thirty seconds left and Mickey scoots closer to him and takes Ian’s hands. Once they cross the ten second mark, Mickey touches Ian’s fingers and counts on them, touching them one by one and Ian’s stomach flutters at that. They’re only inches away from each other, basically breathing each other’s air and Mickey holding his hands like that feels so strangely intimate to Ian and he just doesn’t get _why_.

On one, Mickey pulls at his pinky and curls his own into it before staring into Ian’s eyes. Ian signs _happy New Year_ and Mickey signs it back and he wants to kiss him so badly it hurts. It would be so right kissing Mickey right here and right now. But he just can’t. Mickey doesn’t feel like that and what they have is too good to ruin.

Ian pats Mickey’s cheek and holds it for maybe a moment too long before they smile and let go of each other. They just sit there in silence after that and watch the fireworks until the very last one. Ian whispers ‘oh’s’ and ‘ah’s’ into Mickey’s ear every time a firework explodes and Mickey laughs loudly when Ian’s breath tickles against his ear.

***

The next morning, Ian wakes up to another body lying on top of him and a knee pushing against his bladder. His head is pounding – how much did he even drink? – and he feels like he’s either about to piss his pants or puke out his guts.

Their night didn’t end as disastrously as last time. Ian bought an entire bottle of the cheap champagne at the club which they brought to his dorm. They shared the bottle, put the music as loud as the speakers would go and smoked three more joints. But just like last time, Mickey was hugging said speakers and touching them the entire time, moving his head to the bass. And just like last time, Ian had to take the matters in hands. Said matters here being pulling out the plug of the speakers, pulling off Mickey’s pants and blazer – though he got a serious kick when he went for Mickey’s shirt – and tucking him in the bed.

Their New Year’s Eve was pretty good. Their New Year’s morning on the other end sucked ass (sadly not in the good way).

Mickey got sick and didn’t even make the toilet, going for the sink instead and came back paler than he normally was and looking terrible. His eyes were red rimmed with tears and there were blue eye bags under them, his hair was standing up in every direction and his shirt is gross with things Ian doesn’t want to think about.

Again, Ian tries to get Mickey out of his shirt, but Mickey does everything in his might to keep it on. So when Ian accepts that it’s not going to happen, he throws one of his own fresh pullovers at Mickey’s head and points towards the hallway.

The rest of the morning happens mostly in silence. They go to Ian’s place for breakfast and Fiona – who is sporting a major hangover as well – gives them some painkillers for their headaches, then some coffee so strong it tastes like battery acid with every sip and she ends up making cookies with the batter she finds in the fridge.

It’s a nice morning, actually. The silence is good, the coffee is perfect, the cookies are an added bonus and Ian can’t stop smiling once Mickey falls asleep on the table, head buried in the crook of his own arms.

“Jesus Christ, you’re so cute I wanna barf.” Fiona rolls her eyes and takes another sip of her coffee, she winces as she swallows, clearly not liking the taste.

“Fuck off.”

“No really, it’s sweet. Did something happen last night?” it’s really genuine and true, she seems really happy for him.

“No, he doesn’t feel like that and I didn’t want to ruin it,” Ian shrugs but Fiona frowns and shoots him a confused face.

“You keep telling yourself that.” she stands up and goes upstairs, two minutes later, Ian can hear the boiler going on and the faint noise of the shower.

***

“I come bearing Christmas gifts!” Mandy practically yells as she dances inside Ian’s house with a big duffle bag.

“You’re moving in?” Ian asks sarcastically and she rolls her eyes.

“No, I just came straight here after staying at Jordan’s,” she says matter-of-factly and drops the bag on the coffee table. The living room and kitchen are empty. Fiona is asleep again and so is Mickey – he’s sleeping in Ian’s bed. Debbie is staying over at Holly’s and Fiona told Ian to keep an eye out if or when Carl’s coming home.

Mandy gives him three different gifts, all wrapped in the same red paper. She sits down and watches Ian intently as he opens the gifts. The first one is a mixed CD, it’s a playlist of all the songs they have memories from during their short, four month old friendship. It’s a sweet gesture and Ian loves it.

“Cute, very 1990.” Mandy laughs and tells him to shut up and open the second one.

The second one is a new controller for his Xbox and Ian is kind of surprised Mandy remembers him telling about Mickey breaking one of his when they played Halo one night. There’s still a dent in the walls next to the TV to remind him of it. Ian says thank you because he doesn’t really know what else to say and picks up the third present. It’s pretty big but it’s shaped like a frame, so he can already guess what it is before he opens it.

“This one is from Mickey and me both, my idea but he paid.” She smiles.

It’s a large picture of all three of them, taken on the first night they went out. It’s good quality, taken by one of the photographers of a student club at the party. Underneath the picture though, there is a drawing. Ian knows that Mickey drew it – because during class once he found out that Mickey loves to drabble.  

The drawing is of two hands with their pointing finger intertwined. Ian knows it means ‘Friends’ and he loves it. A lot. It’s the sappiest gift he’s ever gotten but probably the best one too.

“I know right,” Mandy bumps into his shoulder and he smiles at her.

“I love it, thanks Mandy they’re all awesome. Wait here and I’ll get yours.”

When he gets upstairs, the door to his room is open and he can see Mickey lying in his bed. He’s on his side, wearing only his shirt and boxers. His mouth is slightly open and one arm is hanging off the bed. His still damp hair is standing everywhere and he’s breathing softly, eyebrows twitching like he’s dreaming.

He looks peaceful and as creepy as it might sound, Ian could watch him sleep for hours.

Ian takes the present he has for Mandy from under his bed and takes it downstairs. When she opens it, she’s happy – and so is Ian for choosing the right one at last – and she thanks him and gives him a hug. It’s a bottle of perfume that was quite expensive but Ian didn’t mind, she has been hinting about wanting it for ages anyway.

He still has a present for Mickey, but decides to give it to him later.

Mandy stays afterwards. They watch ‘The Lucky One’ and ‘The Notebook’ because it was Mandy’s turn to pick movies and Ian didn’t tear up with any of them. Nope.

When dinnertime comes, they make mac ‘n cheese together and ruin the kitchen. Fiona and Mickey join them for dinner and Debbie eventually shows up too. And when all of them are watching ‘Love Actually’, Carl comes home and joins them too, eating the leftover mac ‘n cheese that's on the stove.

In the end, Ian, Mandy and Mickey fall asleep on the couch next to each other. Ian feels good about being the one in the middle, he doesn't mind the cuddles.

***

Ian is nervous. He’s so fucking nervous. He’s about to give his late Christmas present to Mickey and he’s shitting his pants. There are two ways Ian sees this going. Either Mickey loves it, or he’ll hate Ian for being a total insensitive prick and never, ever talk to him again and Ian will be so ashamed he won’t even dare being within eyesight of Mickey again. So this present, kind of a big deal.

And when Ian hands over the two presents to Mickey, he’s considering hiding behind the couch and he’s fucking shaking.

Mickey opens the first present. It’s also a mixed CD, with all the songs he’d found on Mickey’s laptop that had been replayed the most. They were good songs, too. Old ones, classics by Nirvana, Radiohead, The Doors and all the big names.

Mickey looks a little confused but then he opens the second package. He takes the headphones out of the box and stares at them for a while, not really understanding what he got. Ian holds up his finger and tells Mickey to wait while he gets the laptop.

The headphones were expensive. And not the kind of I’m-a-southsider-without-a-job-in-college-this-is-so-above-my-paygrade-expensive but _expensive_.

Once back in his room, Ian places the CD in his laptop while Mickey reads the case with handwritten song titles and Ian plugs the headphones in and puts them on Mickey’s ears. Once he pressed play, he puts the music loud but not _damage worthy_ loud and Mickey’s face goes from confused to shock and then there’s something else Ian has never seen before.

Something he can only describe as some kind of _release_. Mickey sits back then and bends his knees so he can wrap his arms around them and lean his chin on his left knee. He closes his eyes and enjoys it. Enjoys how the vibrations move against his ears, the feeling of them, trying to place them and softly humming the melody, even if it’s a little off and wrong, it makes Ian happy to just watch him.

It’s silent for a long time after that. After a while, Ian places the laptop on the ground next to his bed and they lie together on the bed. Ian can hear the music through the headphones; it’s a good background noise for their on-going silence. Before he knows it, he falls asleep with Mickey curled against his side. It’s perfect.

The next day when he wakes up, he’s alone and there’s a present in his hands. He unwraps it to find a book he’d wanted for _ages_. It’s the very first edition of his all-time favorite book “The Catcher in the Rye”. It’s a cliché book, he knows, but it was what made him fall in love with reading and he’s read it more than ten times already. And now, he’s holding a _signed,_ first edition.

“Jesus.”

***

Downstairs, Mickey meets him with breakfast and fresh coffee and Ian moans with his first sip and he’s glad in that moment that Mickey can’t hear him. He thanks Mickey for the present and Mickey blushes when Ian tells him how much he loves it.

They eat together but they don’t talk. They never talk after things like that. Said things meaning moments where they were really close or after when they had a great talk. Ian doesn’t mind, but he wishes they would sometimes, maybe then he’d figure out where he’s standing.

When Mickey leaves, he tucks the headphones back in their box and puts it in his bag to keep it safe. He gives Ian a hug and it’s totally different from any of their other, previous hugs. It’s longer, closer, tighter and warmer.

And when Ian closes the door, he gets a message:

_[10:11am] from Mickey: Thank you._

***

“Mickey was over the moon with his present, I think it’s the best thing someone ever gave him.” Mandy says. They’re at the Gallagher house and she’s lying in the couch next to him with her feet in his lap while she’s filing her nails. He invited Mickey too, but he had to meet up with his ASL teacher to go through their plans for the second semester.

“You think so?”

“Yeah. I think he was waiting for something bad, like you trying to give him something that’d make him feel bad? Like you’d try so hard to find a present for a _deaf_ guy, but you didn’t. You gave him something that meant a lot to him and it’s normal.”

“He _is_ normal,” Ian interrupts her, but she shrugs and keeps going.

“Yes, but when other people would see you give him music, they would laugh. They seem to think that because he’s deaf, he can’t enjoy it anymore. But he does, music meant so much to him before the accident, it still does. He felt like you were being so good to him and he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know? But I think it made him realize you’re different than all the rest.”

“He said that?”

“He said a lot of things,” she smiles at him in a weird way and Ian doesn’t know how to interpret what she just said, but he knows Mandy good enough to know that he shouldn’t question her too much. She’s vague, always is. She likes it when other people find things out on their own time. Ian hates it.

***

It’s the first Friday in February when Ian arrives in class and both Mickey and Mandy ignore them when he sits down. He doesn’t know what he’s done wrong or why they’re doing it, but he decides to let it go until the end of class.

It’s a mistake too, because halfway during class he can see tears in Mandy’s eyes and he can see Mickey staring in front of him at the ASL teacher. He’s looking at the guy, but he’s not _listening_ to him. Both of them are with their mind somewhere else and Ian wants to hold both their hands to bring them back to the _now._

“So is this something you want to cry out with each other or do you want to talk about it?” Ian asks the minute the class is over. Mandy stares at him and her face is blank, Ian can’t figure her out at all. Mickey is looking at him, too. He’s not crying, he just looks kind of empty, his eyes are looking through Ian and it’s weirdly unsettling to see the both of them so sad and defeated.

“Our mom died nine years ago today.” Mandy said and she grabs her books and her bag before standing up and leaving the classroom, Mickey following her automatically. Ian doesn’t follow them and figures this is something they have to go through together, something private. As much as he wants to help, he doesn’t think there’s anything he’d be able to do to help.

***

That night, while he’s lying in his bed reading the book Mickey gave him, he hears a soft knock on the door. When he opens it he’s not surprised to meet Mickey, who’s looking worse than he did in their morning class. His eyes are red and a little swollen and Ian doesn’t want to think about the fact that Mickey might have been crying. Even if he would, he just can’t imagine it, can’t see it.

 _Do you mind?_ Mickey signs and Ian shakes his head and holds the door open for him.

Mickey sits on the bed and takes off his sweatpants before moving under the covers. He keeps them open for Ian who slides in next to him after turning off the light. For a while, it’s awkward and uncomfortable. Mickey is breathing through his mouth because his nose is stuffed – from crying probably – and he’s as stiff as a board.

After a few moments, Ian gets tired of the uneasiness and manhandles Mickey on his side before curling an arm around his waist and pushing his knees in the hollow of Mickey’s. For another minute, Mickey doesn’t move at all and he’s barely breathing and then Ian can feel him accept the touch. He can feel Mickey accepting him as the guy curls in on himself and pulls Ian with him. His breath steadies and minutes later, he falls asleep.

Ian kisses Mickey’s hair – hoping he’s truly asleep – and hugs him tighter.

***

They don’t talk about it the next day. They get dressed into some clean clothes – Mickey wearing one of Ian’s again – and they go to the common room of Ian’s dorm where they have breakfast and watch a rerun of _Ellen_ from last week. Ian takes the remote and types in the code to put on subtitles for Mickey and they’re quiet then, except from the sound of cornflakes crunching in their mouths.

At one time, Mickey laughs with something they say and Ian looks at him. He’s looking better than he did last night. He’s looking better than he has in a while really; the kind of better someone looks like after a good night of sleep. Ian smiles, because even though he thought he wasn’t able to help Mickey yesterday, he feels like he has helped him in some way. It’s fulfilling.

The rest of the day, they watch TV, talk about some new video game that’s being released next week and Mickey helps Ian some more with his ASL.

Well not _helping_ really because he’s just teaching Ian swear words and has the time of his life because Ian doesn’t know what any of them mean the while Mickey teaches them. They laugh a lot and Ian loves it when Mickey laughs, because he’s always shaking with it, even though there are no sounds escaping his mouth. He loves how it always makes Mickey’s cheeks and neck flush and how his eyes are just cleared of sorrow and his usual annoyance.

Ian loves seeing Mickey happy and every time Mickey smiles or laughs at him, he falls a little deeper into the unavoidable pit of feelings he’s been digging since he’s met the guy. Guh, his life.

***

“Maybe you should stare a little bit _more_ notable, just to be sure,” Mandy bumps into his shoulder when she meets him in class. Ian blushes and looks down, he doesn’t feel like denying it to her, because she knows good enough how he feels.

“Did he sleep at yours last night?” Ian nods, he knows she probably slept at Jordan’s. Knows that that’s why Mickey came to his last night.

“Thanks for keeping an eye on him.”

“We’re there for each other, that’s what best friends do.” He says, because it’s logical right?

“Yeah,” she smiles and looks at her brother who’s in front of the class again. “Best friends,” she says softly. Ian wants to ask her what she means but he doesn’t think he’ll be able to help himself out of the answer he’d get, so he decides against it.

***

The next month is going by fast. Their schedules are fuller this semester. They have more classes, more courses, more tests and more work. Once every while, in between schoolwork they hang out, mostly on the weekends like they normally do. Most of the time it’s the three of them, but Mandy’s with her boyfriend a lot, too. Mickey and Ian don’t complain whatsoever, they have as much fun when it’s just the two of them. Maybe even more.

Mickey is become much more open about things. He tells Ian stories about his mom, like how she’d always take Mickey and his siblings for ice cream in the park in summer. He tells him about how she taught him how to swim and how he ended up almost drowning the first time she let him in the deep pool.

Ian loves the stories and he can see that Mickey loves sharing them. In return, Ian shares some stories of his own too. Like that one time Fiona’s ex sent their dad to Canada and Kev had to get him back with a camper. Or the story of how Lip and he always drank warm milk with honey before bed because Fiona told them it would make their dreams sweet.

Though they talked about some rougher stuff, too. Ian tells Mickey about how Fiona took care of him and Lip when their dad and mom had run off again. Of how Fiona had carried him to the hospital when he caught a fever and he’d almost died if it wasn’t thanks to her. Mickey tells Ian about how his ‘best friends’ treated him when he became deaf. How they’d laughed in his face and didn’t care to give him a second glance. How they’d embarrassed him in front of everyone, calling him weak and helpless.

They are able to talk about stuff like this and it comes naturally. They trust each other and talking with each other feels good. When they have big conversations they don’t use the whiteboard. They open up Facebook and talk in Messenger, even though it’s stupid because they’re sitting opposite each other, but well, Ian’s ASL isn’t that extensive yet.

The best nights, though, are the nights where they’re in Ian’s bed in the dark and Mickey is wearing the headphones. He’d puts them loud enough for even Ian to hear and Ian slowly falls asleep to the sound of Mickey humming the sounds against his shoulder. The more they do it, the better Mickey gets at humming the melody right. Ian falls asleep with a smile, only to wake up with a new smile in the morning, when Mickey is still there.

***

Of course, that’s when things usually go to shit.

It’s on a Monday when they are sitting in Ian’s bedroom again. They helped each other with their courses and checked each other’s papers like they usually do. Then they watch three episodes of _Orange is the New Black_ before getting tired of it and they start to talk.

And it’s good, like it always is. Until…

 _Can I ask you something?_ Ian signs and Mickey nods.

 _How did you become deaf?_ Ian signs again. He’d been practicing on how to ask the question in sign. Though he didn’t expect the look on Mickey’s face the moment Ian finishes his question.

Mickey’s face falls blank, all the emotion seeping out of his features. He doesn’t even look at Ian anymore, it’s like his eyes zone out and he’s looking right through him, like he’s remembering what happened and it traumatizes him all over again.

Before Ian can tell him to drop it, that he doesn’t have to tell it, Mickey is up and taking his stuff and running out of the room. Ian feels like the biggest fucking asshole to have ever walked this planet. Mickey’s so fast, he can’t even catch up on him.  

***

After that night, Ian doesn’t hear from Mickey for four days. He’s starting to get worried because he doesn’t answer his texts and when he texts Mandy, she says she hasn’t heard him either. Mandy’s worried about him, she’s been looking in every single place to find her brother and she’s good on her way to report him missing at the police station.

Ian just feels helpless, because he can’t call Mickey. He can’t go to his dorm and ask him to let him in or knock on his door because he isn’t there. He just has to wait.

But in the end, he doesn’t have to wait for long, because that same night there’s a knock on his door and when he opens it, Mickey is standing in front of him. He looks completely lost and pale, wearing old sweatpants and a sweater with the college logo. His eyes are red rimmed and swollen, like he’s been crying for days – which he probably has – and Ian feels a rush of guilt roll over him because it’s his fault that Mickey is this upset.

Ian and his stupid mouth.

Mickey wipes his eye with the heel of his hand, and points inside with the other, asking to come inside. Ian moves out of the way to let him in and Mickey drops down on the bed and grabs the whiteboard that’s standing next to Ian’s bed.

The first thing he writes is _I’m sorry_ and Ian is confused. He shakes his head and takes the whiteboard, writes: _It’s my fault, I should be sorry_ and Mickey just shakes his head. 

 _7 years and I still can’t deal with it_ Mickey hovers over the board like he wants to write more, but he doesn’t know what to say. So Ian writes in his place.

 _If you wanna talk about it, I’m here and we have all night_ Mickey just reads. _And if you don’t, we can just watch a movie or you can get your headphones._

Mickey shakes his head and writes that he’s ready to tell him everything. So he starts writing as much as he can on the whiteboard.

 _My dad took me and my brothers for drug runs and illegal scams a lot. He wanted to teach us the basics or some shit. He was an asshole, I hated him because he was the shittiest dad ever, he hated me bc of my guts._ Ian nods and Mickey wipes the board clean with his sleeve to keep writing.

 _He took me on a drug run one day in July, to an old warehouse where he’d made a deal with some of his Mexican dealers. I didn’t trust the place the minute we walked in, it smelled off._ Mickey wipes his nose with his sleeve and wipes the board when Ian nods, again. The writing is small and shaky but readable.

 _He got into a fight with one of the Mexicans, bc he hadn’t paid enough yet. The guy said he was going to get his boss and left, telling us to wait._ This time Mickey blew out all the air in his lungs and Ian could see he was keeping himself from tearing up again. Ian feels bad for him, but doesn’t know what to do.

 _I don’t remember a lot of it but suddenly there was this loud explosion. I remember flying so high I touched the ceiling of the building. My ears hurt badly and they were bleeding, I didn’t hear anything anymore._ His hands were shaking when he wiped the board again, so Ian grabbed Mickey’s hand and steadied it.

 _My shirt was on fire and my side hurt so bad, I could feel the blood streaming out of me. And then, I just woke up in a hospital bed._ Ian sighs before wiping the board for Mickey.

 _Everything hurt and I_ still _didn’t hear anything. I started screaming and kicking and there was nothing. Do you know how that feels?_ He actually looks at Ian and Ian shakes his head, because no, he can’t even begin to imagine how that feels.

 _Mandy explained to me what happened by writing it down. I had third degree burns on my chest and when I fell, there were shards of glass that cut right into my side. She told me that my ears were damaged badly, and I had basically no chances of ever hearing again. Luckily dad died, that’s the only good thing that came out of it._ Ian frowns and takes it all in, but nods again, showing Mickey he can go on.

 _I tried to kill myself that night_ this time, Mickey let out a whimper and his eyes were wet with tears. Ian grabbed one of his shirts that was hanging on the desk chair and wiped Mickey’s face.

It’s weird to see Mickey cry because he’s never seen Mickey be anything else than sarcastic, witty and annoyed, except for the anniversary of his mother’s death. He is a rough guy who basically never really shows a lot of emotion but this, this is completely different. Ian doesn’t know what to do, he’s lost. And after reading the last thing Mickey wrote, he just wanted to cry with him.

 _If it’s too much we’ll stop, tell me if it’s too much_ Ian signs, but Mickey shakes his head and takes the board again. He just keeps writing on.

_I could barely walk, but I found a cart in the hallway with meds. I grabbed so many of them and in my room I took them all at once but they found me in time to save me._

Ian grabs the board and writes _but why?_ And Mickey lets out a huff.

_Being deaf after being able to hear is terrifying. It’s like you’re stuck in your own head. The silence, you can never get used to it, it’s just slowly driving you insane. I know what sound is, I have felt it, lived with it; I know what I’m missing._

Ian nods again and he feels useless. He doesn’t know what to say and he just keeps nodding. Useless.

 _I didn’t want to learn ASL y’know. I hated it. But it went better with Mandy, she was there for me and I don’t know how I would have done all this without her._ Ian puts a hand on Mickey’s shoulder and pinches it, asking him to look at him. When Mickey does, he looks like the world just dropped off his shoulders. Like he can breathe again. But he also looks sad and even a hint of embarrassed for letting his guard down.

Ian then signs _I’ll help you_ though he doesn’t know how, and Mickey smiles. Even with all his tears and even though the pain was visible in his eyes, he just smiles at Ian and signs _thank you_.

 _Do you feel better?_ Ian writes and Mickey frowns like he’s thinking _,_ like he’s figuring out how he’s feeling. Ian understands his confusion, and he wishes he could do something to actually help him.

_I’m feeling a lot better now. I haven’t let this out in 7 years so thank you, for listening._

Ian smiles as he reads it and Mickey gives him a cautious smile back, and in that moment, there’s only one thing Ian really wants to do. He takes the board and writes something down. He shows it to Mickey.

 _Can I kiss you?_ Mickey just keeps staring at the whiteboard and Ian can’t read his face at all but he’s patient. He lets Mickey figure things out and gives him time.

Mickey takes the board out of Ian’s hands and puts it next to the bed. He then sits on his knees, grabs Ian’s face with both hands and kisses him.

Ian staggers back a little, but his hands move towards Mickey’s jaw and he holds him steady, locking their lips together. Mickey’s hands move lower and he grabs two fists of Ian’s shirt, pulling him closer towards him.

Mickey kisses the same way he fights, full-bodied, unrelenting and imposing, but so good. Ian almost has a hard time to keep up with the entire kiss. Before he knows it, they’re both sitting on their knees on the bed, pressed together from chest to thighs and they’re writhing in each other’s embrace. The kiss is going from passionate to wild in just a matter of seconds once Ian dives his tongue into Mickey’s mouth and he’s immediately panicking that maybe he’s taking it too far too fast.

Ian reluctantly pulls away then and Mickey is staring at him with wide eyes. His pupils are blown and only a small circle of blue is visible in his eyes. Ian can feel Mickey’s excitement where their hips are still joined but he just needs to know what he _can_ do.

He let’s go of Mickey and signs _tell me_ , hoping it’s clear enough. And apparently Mickey understood what he meant and he mouths something. Ian frowns and tries to puzzle it out before Mickey does it again. Except this time, he hears it.

“Everything,” Mickey whispers. His voice is hoarse and so soft it’s barely audible, Ian had almost missed it.

Everything. That’s how much Mickey trusts him and it _hurts_. It just hurts Ian to know how much Mickey trusts him, so much that he even told Ian about his accident, or about _this_. And ‘everything’ is such a big word, and Ian being selfish just _wants_. He wants everything. He wants to give Mickey everything and he wants to take everything. There’s just so much he wants.

He kisses Mickey again and this time it doesn’t start innocent and sweet. It’s the kind of kiss that only leads to one damn thing. Sex.

Mickey pulls Ian’s shirt over his head and they laugh at how ungainly it is, because Ian’s head is stuck when they pull it off and he almost hits Mickey in the face with his elbow.

Ian starts pulling at Mickey’s shirt but Mickey kind of stills and looks uncomfortable. Ian knows why; because Mickey’s afraid of what Ian will think when he sees the burn scar or the scars on his hip. He finally understands why Mickey never let Ian undress him, it all falls together now. But Ian nods and says “It’s okay.” And Mickey just looks down and nods as he grabs the hem of his own shirt and pulls it over his head.

When his shirt is off, he doesn’t look at Ian. He looks down at the bed, looking like someone Ian had never seen before. Mickey’s usual confidence and nonchalance is replaced with self-consciousness and _defeat_.

Ian tilts Mickey’s head up by his chin and kisses his lips again, softly. He kisses Mickey’s neck and collarbones. He kisses his shoulder, where the scar tissue starts and kisses down his chest until the line where it stops, right under his ribcage. He kisses all over Mickey’s torso; his chest, nipples, navel, treasure trail and even the scars on his hip. And when he looks up, Mickey is staring down at him and all the sadness has washed away and is replaced with arousal and confusion.

The moment Ian starts pulling down Mickey’s sweatpants, he’s sighing loudly and looking at Ian with disbelief – the ‘I can’t believe this is happening to me’ kind of disbelief – and Ian just smirks as he mouths at Mickey’s cotton covered cock. Mickey pulls off the rest of his sweatpants, almost kicking Ian in his chest whilst doing so. When only his boxers are left, he pulls Ian closer by the back of his neck and kisses him. It’s just a short kiss but it made Ian’s stomach flutter to know what’s happening next. Mickey pushes Ian off the bed and sits on his knees as Ian stands in front of him. He starts pulling at Ian’s clothes then, stripping him down until his boxers and kissing Ian’s stomach.

It’s clear what Mickey wants when he pulls Ian’s boxers down and presses an almost innocent kiss on his groin – or as far as innocent can go when you’re kissing someone next to their cock.

When he grabs hold of Ian’s cock, he just _looks_ at it, like he wants to do so much and doesn’t even know where to start.

But he starts right after that and god. _God._ Ian did not expect this. Mickey starts easy; he sucks on the head, licks up and down, jerks the base with his hand and licks at his slit. But then he just started with the actual _sucking_ and Ian was sure that Mickey’s purpose was to suck out his brain through his cock. And Ian was sure that it was working.

Soon, he started pulling at Mickey’s hair to gain his attention and ask him to stop. When Mickey looks up and makes eye contact, Ian whispers “Jesus,” and shakes his head no. Mickey understands and stops, looking smug, all his usual confidence back on his features.

Mickey pulls off his boxers and goes to sit back, pushing himself higher on the bed and lying flat with open legs so Ian can crawl between them. Ian does so, but only after grabbing a condom and lube from under his bed and throwing them on the sheets. He shows Mickey the lube and gives him a questioning look, asking him if he’s okay with it. Mickey’s answer is to take the bottle and squeeze some lube onto Ian’s fingers himself.

Ian spreads the lube over his fingers and moves them between Mickey’s cheeks, pushing one finger in. Ian is listening to every sound Mickey makes, the way his breathing stopped at the first intrusion, the first shaky breaths he takes when Ian starts moving his finger, the soft whimpers and throaty sounds when Ian pushes in a second.

When Ian pushes in a third, Mickey grabs onto Ian’s neck with one hand and his arm with a second and holds onto him tightly, his back arching off the bed and Mickey lets out a sob. Ian knows this isn’t just a reaction to the third intrusion, it’s a reaction to Ian finding Mickey’s prostate.

They’re only beginning and Ian knows that this is the best thing he’s ever done in his life. Sex with Mickey will probably be the best thing there will ever be. Ian loves everything. Mickey is like a puzzle that he just can’t wait to solve. Every noise Mickey makes, he tries to categorize and lock away somewhere in his memory. And when he looks at Mickey face; the scrunched up eyebrows, his open mouth, his expression lax and a look of pure pleasure on his face, Ian knows he’s absolutely in love with this guy.

Mickey opens his eyes and Ian notices that he’s stopped moving his fingers. He pulls them out and wipes them on the bed before grabbing Mickey’s face with two hands and kissing him again. He kisses him until he can’t breathe anymore and when they part, he sits up, rolls on the condom and Mickey slicks him up.

Ian lines up then and presses in slowly, burying his face in Mickey’s neck. He’s so tight and Ian has to bite down Mickey’s shoulder to keep himself from coming right now. Once he’s all the way inside, he leans up to look at Mickey. His face shows both pain and pleasure and when he opens his eyes and looks at Ian, he nods. So Ian pulls out slowly and slides in again, keeping a slow rhythm.

“Fucking Christ,” Ian breathes as he slides in again. Mickey laughs at him, having clearly read his lips and understanding it. Though his smile quickly fades into a soft moan of pleasure as Ian finds what he was looking for.

He knows that now he found Mickey’s prostate again, he won’t be able to keep it up any longer. Mickey is so tight and the pressure and warmth is just too much. He starts to move faster and grabs Mickey’s cock that’s sliding against his stomach and starts jerking it. Mickey starts breathing louder and he’s panting in Ian’s neck, losing himself.

“Ian!” Mickey exclaims and then he comes all over himself. Ian, hearing his name out of his mouth for the first time is so surprised that he comes right then, too. He falls boneless into Mickey’s arms and tries to catch his breath, but all he can think about is Mickey’s voice. It didn’t sound hoarse or grainy like it did earlier, but it sounded clear and… _normal_.

Ian slides out and ties the condom before throwing it away and lying down next to Mickey, who is looking at Ian with an expression on his face that Ian can’t place. If Ian were crazy enough, he’d almost think that the expression would be one of pure adoration and love.

Mickey turns on his side to mirror Ian and looks into his eyes before whispering “Thank you.”

Ian can’t really do anything else but pull Mickey into his arms and tucking both of themselves under the covers. It doesn’t take long for sleep to take over.

***

Ian wakes up because of the sun shining right into his eyes; he must’ve forgotten to close the curtains last night. Last night, when Mickey opened up his entire being to Ian and they made sweet, sweet love. Ian smiles as he thinks back about Mickey saying his name, how clear his voice had sounded. It keeps repeating inside of his head.

Next to him, Mickey is still sleeping. He looks peaceful, so Ian tries his best not to wake him up as he gets out of the bed. He goes to his sink and grabs a washcloth he used to day before to wash his face. He runs the water until it’s lukewarm and wets the cloth before heading back to the bed where he starts softly rubbing the fabric over Mickey’s chest and stomach, wiping the dried up come away.

Mickey shifts a little and his breath hitches. He opens his eyes once and closes them again immediately before rolling on his side to move out of the light and falls asleep again. Ian can’t help but grin like a loon. 

Ian gets dressed into his training suit and grabs his wallet. The bakery is just a five minute walk; Mickey will probably still be asleep when he comes back so he leaves the door unlocked.

When he gets back, Mickey is sitting cross-legged on the bed. He’s still naked, very so, and in the sunlight he looks so pale. It’s the first time Ian noticed that Mickey has freckles on his arms.

“I got us breakfast,” Ian says as he holds up the bag with pastries, Mickey smiles in return and sits back on the bed, clearly comfortable in his nakedness. Ian undresses too, just for the sake of it and joins Mickey on the bed as they share their chocolate pastries, playfully shoving pieces into each other’s mouths.

It’s only when they’re done eating, that Mickey shoves Ian on his back and crawls over him to straddle his hips. He takes Ian’s head in his hands and kisses him slowly, as if he’s asking for permission and it’s adorable, really. They kiss for what seems like hours and it only gets more frantic and wild. Ian instinctually starts moving upwards, grinding his hips into Mickey’s and he feels how hard Mickey is.

He wants to touch Mickey so bad, but when he moves his hand down to grab Mickey’s length, his hand gets slapped away. Mickey shakes his head and sits up to remove Ian’s boxers in a hurry. When they’re out, he lies back in his original position and starts grinding their pelvises together so their cocks are sliding against each other.

With every slide, there’s more precome and it gets wetter and wetter and the grinding feels better. Mickey is making these soft whimpering sounds in Ian’s ear as he fastens his pace and rubs his cock harder against Ian’s abdomen and as the friction becomes unbearable, they both come at the exact same moment, shooting on each other’s stomachs and chests.

Mickey falls limp on top of him and even though they’re disgusting, covered in sweat and come, they can’t get themselves to move just yet. Ian wraps his arms around Mickey’s back in an awkward hug and they catch their breaths for a few more moments before finally getting up and moving to the showers.

Though not much cleaning happens in the shower, really.

***

“Holy shit, it happened, finally!” Mandy says the minute they walk into class. Ian is confused, because how would she even know? It’s not like they are holding hands and PDA is definitely not happening.

“What?” Ian asks the same moment Mickey signs it.

“You guys finally hooked up! I’m so happy; you’ve been dancing around each other for ages.” Mickey huffs and shakes his head as he plops down in his seat next to her; face flinching as he feels the soreness of his ass. Ian gives him a satisfying smirk.

“How did you even know?” Ian asks.

“Your lips are swollen, Mickey has stubble burn in his neck and you haven’t shaved and Mickey has a slight limp in his left leg,” she says all of it while grinning and it’s both creepy and admirable.

“Busted I guess.” He’s not sorry.

The two of them had spent the rest of the weekend going at it like rabbits. They had tried so many positions on so many surfaces and Ian was amazed that Mickey was still walking so well. Ian’s muscles in his thighs and back are sore just from topping.

Even though Ian had thought that Mickey might have a problem with Mandy finding out, he’s pleasantly surprised that he doesn’t mind at all. It’s like he wanted Mandy to know about them and it’s kind of cute. He’s sure that tonight, when Mickey goes back to his own shared dorm, he will be telling his sister everything.

Though he hopes he leaves out _some_ details…

***

Ever since their first time, Ian and Mickey are inseparable. They have spent one night without each other and it was awful, the both of them had barely slept at all. So for the last two weeks and a half, Mickey has slept with Ian in his dorm and it almost seemed like some kind of honeymoon.

Meaning they only left the room when they really _had_ to – like class and much needed showers – and the rest of the time was spent having sex, eating and sleeping.

After their first night, Mickey talked more about himself. About the weeks after he left the hospital, how he kept having trouble with traffic and almost got hit by a bus or how he sucked at learning ASL. He never had enough patience and he hated how people always told him they were sorry for him. He told Ian about how expensive everything was the classes, the hospital bills, and the ASL teacher that helps him.

Spending so much time together also helped Ian with his own ASL. Though it was still hard to sign himself, he could understand it pretty well and only got better at it. Mickey barely writes to him anymore, except when Ian really doesn’t get it.

“We should go out for dinner today,” Ian says when he’s cleaning Mickey’s chest after fucking for two hours straight. Mickey shakes his head wildly and keeps singing _no_. Ian retaliates him by signing _yes_ until Mickey gives in and rolls his eyes.

“I want to take you on a _real_ date, because last time you didn’t even realize we were on a date.”

Mickey looks confused.

“Yes, me taking you to the movies was a date.”

_I’m sorry; I guess I’m just really clueless._

“Yup,” Ian says.

They are too lazy to shower so they just get dressed, even though they smell like sex and come. The bed looks disgusting and Ian knows he really has to change the sheets but he can’t bring himself to care because he’s going on a date. With his boyfriend. Because that’s what they are now, boyfriends that is.

_What’s got you smiling?_

Ian smiles and kisses Mickey before pushing him out of the door by his waist.

***

If anyone had told Ian he’d be playing footsie under a table in an Italian restaurant with Mickey Milkovich at the beginning of his school year, he would’ve just laughed in their faces. Though joke’s on him because here he is, eating a pesto lasagna while Mickey’s foot is rubbing against his crotch.

Mickey is smirking at his own plate of spaghetti carbonara as he brings Ian to full hardness. Ian is surprised by how talented Mickey’s feet are really, just a few more minutes and he’ll have to deal with a foot fetish. Or a wet pants, pick your choose.

“Stop, stop, stop!” Ian mouths at Mickey but he just bites his lip and smirks at him as he rubs over Ian’s length again.

“You’re a menace.”

There aren’t a lot of people at the restaurant, which is logical since it’s a weeknight, but there are still enough of them able to see them and it’s both exciting and scary to Ian. Mickey doesn’t seem to mind at all, he just looks smug as hell as he’s working Ian into oblivion with his toes.

Ian can feel his orgasm building and he grabs onto Mickey’s wrist hard and bites the inside of his cheeks.

And then Mickey stops, removes his foot from between Ian’s legs and slides it back into his shoe.

_I hate you._

_No you don’t._

***

It’s Easter holiday and the weather is starting to get better. They have two weeks off and already spent one entire week together at Ian’s house. Mickey had felt weird and intrusive when Ian asked him to stay for the holidays, but Fiona basically pulled him into the house and told him she didn’t mind at all.

Because even though Fiona knows Mickey’s history – and had hated the guy for it at first – she now loves him like he’s another one of her siblings. Mickey felt at home soon enough, really.

The entire week they have been cooking each other’s favorite meals and went outside to hang out. At night they would watch TV or get high with Lip, who had even given them his own room for two weeks. All in all, it had been a good week.

Until now.

Ian should’ve known really, their relationship had been so good – almost perfect, really – it’s like he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Today is Mickey’s birthday and Ian has set up a surprise French breakfast with all Mickey’s favorite things. He loves it and they eat until they can barely walk anymore. They have the house to themselves – thank you so much, Fiona – and when they’re done eating, Ian starts kissing him and leads them upstairs.

If there’s one thing Mickey is crazy about when it comes to sex, it’s foreplay. He loves sucking Ian’s cock; he loves Ian sucking his cock. He’s always _so loud_ when Ian rims him and he loves being opened up slowly. Though once the real fucking begins, he isn’t so patient anymore.

So afterwards when they’re still in bed, sated and sex-happy, Ian sits up and is ready to give Mickey his present. He gives Mickey a doctor’s card and Mickey frowns at it.

Ian had been looking on the internet for a while to find the best possible doctor that might be able to help Mickey. This one was the best on the field, specialized in helping deaf people hear again. Ian thought Mickey would be happy with it, to get a chance at hearing again. But when Mickey looks up at him he looks furious and disappointed.

_You fucking insensitive asshole!_

“What? I thought you’d be happy, this guy could really help you!” Ian is so confused as he watches Mickey get out of the bed and putting on his boxers.

_I don’t want a fucking doctor; I don’t need to be fixed!_

Ian is having a hard time understanding Mickey, he’s angry and moving so fast, but he looks and waits for Ian to answer.

“It’s not about fixing you, Mickey! I just want to help you.”

 _That’s not helping you asshole. I don’t need your pity or your help._ Mickey pulls his shirt over his head.

_I have accepted being deaf a long time ago, I thought you had too?_

“I have!”

_Then why do you want to fix me? You pity me? Is that it?_

“No of course not, you know that.” Mickey huffs and pulls on his jeans in a hurry.

_I thought you were different, Ian._

“I am, Mickey please I didn’t mean it like that – no! Wait don’t leave, please!” Ian knows his words don’t matter anymore because Mickey isn’t looking at him. He’s putting all his clothes inside his duffle bag and puts on his shoes. Ian knows he can’t touch Mickey now, not when he’s angry.

_Don’t text me._

Mickey leaves the room and it barely takes ten seconds before Ian can hear the front door shut.

***

_[5:11pm] from Mandy: Low blow, asshole. What the hell is wrong with u, here I thought u’d be fucking different._

_[5:15pm] to Mandy: I didn’t mean it like that; I just thought it might make him happy that he had a chance at hearing again._

_[5:21pm] from Mandy: Just leave him alone Ian. U really hurt him…_

Ian knocks his phone against his head before he throws it across the room, hearing the screen of his iPhone crack from where he sits on the couch. Leave it to him to majorly fuck up the only good thing in his life.

***

When he’s back at school, it’s weird to put it lightly.

Mickey and Mandy are already sitting in the classroom and look him up and down when he walks inside. Mandy gives him a foul look that makes Ian want to tuck his tail and run away. Mickey on the other hand looks pale, like he hasn’t slept in days. He looks moody and tired and so fucking sad and Ian feels so bad because it’s his fault and Mickey is the only person in the world he wishes would never, ever be sad for one minute.

He sits down on the other side of class and doesn’t dare to look at the siblings once during his entire class. Though he really deserves their hateful glances and anger, it’s still terrible. He’s ashamed just for sitting in the same room with them.

The hour goes by painfully slow and Ian can’t get himself to pay attention. His mind keeps wandering off to the morning of his fight with Mickey. How disappointed he’d been with Ian and how hurt he was that Ian would ever even get the idea…

Ian sees it know, he understands it. He knows it was a low move, he gets it. But his intentions were never bad. He really cares about Mickey, Christ he might even be _in love_ with the guy. He knows how hard it was for Mickey to lose his hearing; he just thought he’d be doing something good by showing Mickey he could go back to hearing again.

But Mickey had been right. He’d lived with it for seven years and sure it was hard to accept but he had! He had accepted it. He was in peace with it, accepted the fact that this was his life now and that he’d never hear again and Ian ruined seven years of hard work in a matter of seconds, by giving him a possibility to fix his hearing. _Fix it._ The words Mickey basically spat at him.

Halfway through class, Ian can’t stand it anymore. This stupid war inside of his mind, the self-pitying and self-loathing. He just has to fucking man up and make it right, not sulk and _wait._ He shoves his books into his backpack and stands up to leave class. Some people are giving him weird looks but he doesn’t care, just leaves and shuts the door behind him.

***

“Ian, don’t you have class?” Fiona is holding a sick Liam as he walks into the kitchen. He’s been dealing with hay fever for a while now.

“I do, I mean I have but I can’t – I need your help…” she nods and puts Liam on the couch. She covers him with a blanket and puts Disney Channel on before joining Ian at the kitchen table.

“I wondered when you’d tell me,” she says, taking his hand. “Something happened on Mickey’s birthday, right?”

“I really screwed up Fiona but I didn’t mean to! I-I… I hurt him and he was so disappointed in me, I’m such a moron…” Fiona stops him taking his face in her hands.

“Ian tell me what happened, stop beating yourself up.”

So Ian does, he tells her about how good their week had been and about the night Mickey told him everything about the accident. He tells her about how Mickey told him once that he’d do anything to hear his favorite song again or how he bought him the headphones for Christmas because Mickey likes the vibrations. He tells her about looking for doctors, searching for the best one on the field and how Mickey took it.

By the end, she’s almost sitting on his lap and when he’s done talking, she pulls him into a hug and it settles something inside of Ian. He’s glad his sister doesn’t judge his mistakes so easily. It’s almost soothing, the way she rubs her hand over his back and pinches his neck with the other, massaging the muscles.

“You made a mistake, Ian. Everyone makes mistakes.”

“Fi, you should’ve seen his face. He hates me! Could barely stand looking at me anymore.”

“He’ll turn around eventually. You didn’t mean it like that, I’m sure he’ll figure it out on his own time.” Fiona let’s go of him and stands up to pour them both some coffee.

“Mickey is smitten with you. Maybe he’s just scared that one day you’ll drop him for being deaf, it can’t be easy for him. He’s just scared that you’d rather have him hear than date a deaf person-”

“I’m not like that!” Ian interferes and Fiona nods frantically.

“And I know that Ian! But he’s just being safe and can you blame him? He’s defending himself, let him vent and wait it out, alright.” Ian nods and takes a sip of the coffee.

“Thanks Fi.” She answered by putting another hand on his shoulder and pinching. Ian hopes she’s right. He also hopes Mickey won’t take too long to figure things out, though.

***

Being in his dorm isn’t something he likes anymore. There are still shirts of Mickey folded on his desk, along with his shampoo and a pair of sneakers. The pillow Mickey used to sleep on still smells like him and the bed feels too big for him alone. They’d been together for roughly one month and this is how Ian deals with the break-up. Christ, he’s so pathetic.

Ian is busy with his science thesis when there’s a knock on the door. When he opens it, Mandy is standing in front of him looking like she just wants to get things over with as soon as possible.

“Mandy.”

“I’m here to get Mickey’s stuff, he also said his Mathematics 152 should be in here and he needs it tomorrow.”

“Sure yeah, let me get it.” she nods and walks inside of his room, closing the door. Ian just moves as fast as he can to give her the things she came for.

“Why’d you do it?” she crosses her arms and looks a little pained, as if she’s beating herself up for the fact that she’s asking the question.

“I wanted to let him know that there is an opportunity to hear again if he wants. I don’t want to fix him and I wouldn’t change a thing about him, except maybe his stubbornness, but I guess I kinda love that too.” He can see Mandy fighting back a smirk and Ian curses himself for saying the word ‘love’. If anything, he should’ve said it to Mickey first, not his sister.

“He really misses you. He wants to give you a chance but he’s scared, Ian. He can’t get his hopes up and I’m asking you this one more time before I even let him come near you again.” Ian looks at her and there’s no hate in her features anymore.

“Are you really serious about this? Because if you’re in this it’s the real deal, okay. He’s deaf and he’ll always _be_ deaf. If you don’t think you can handle that then you should stop here and be honest to him.”

Ian hands her all of Mickey’s stuff, “I’m very serious about this and I can definitely handle it. Him being deaf doesn’t change him as a person. Please tell him I’m sorry and my door is open.”

Mandy smiles before she closes the door behind her, leaving him with an “I’ll do my best”.

Ian really hopes she does.

***

The next day in class, Mickey isn’t giving him the stink eye. He looks at Ian as he walks into class but that’s about it, really.

It’s only when class is over, that Mickey blocks his way to the door and asks him to sit down. There’s no other class right now so they don’t have to move anytime soon, the professor says as he leaves the classroom. Ian can't help but stare at his fingers and fidget as they both sit down, Mickey one row lower than him.

Mickey gets his attention by patting Ian on the knee.

_Mandy told me what you said._

“I figured.” Ian mumbles and Mickey looks confused, not being able to read Ian’s lips when he talks under his breath, so Ian repeats himself clearly.

_I’m still mad at you for what you said but I understand that you didn’t mean it like that._

“I was an asshole,” Ian says and Mickey subtly nods his head, agreeing with him as he signs _yes._

“I don’t want to change anything about you Mickey, I just wanted you to know that it was something you could do.” He signs most of what he says while he says it, though Mickey is mostly focusing on his mouth. “I remember you telling me how much you wanted to hear music again. I just thought you’d like to have a chance!”

_Okay, now you know that’s not something I want. I want to give you another chance alright, but you have to promise me—_

“I promise! I promise to never be a fucking insensitive asshole anymore and I’ll ask Mandy if my gifts are appropriate every time from now on!”

_Promise me you won’t get tired of me._

Ian shakes his head because no, hell no, how could he ever get tired of Mickey? He’s still shaking his head when he leans forward and takes Mickey’s face in his hands.

“I’m kind of head over heels with you if you didn’t notice yet, but sure I can promise that.”

Ian is sure Mickey blushes, but he doesn’t give himself time to check because he’s already leaning down to kiss him. It’s a little one-sided at first, but Mickey gives in eventually and reciprocates the kiss softly. It’s not like their usual hot and frantic kisses Ian is used too, but it doesn’t matter, this is way, _way_ better.

 _Same_ , Mickey whispers when they break the kiss. He’s smiling at Ian and he looks relieved, Ian is too.

***

**_Epilogue_ **

“You guys have been together for less than four months, how in hell does moving in together seem like a good, well thought-out plan?” Fiona says for the fifth time that day. She sets one of the boxes on top of the others and wipes her hair from her eyes.

“Almost _five_ months and it’s barely moving in, Fi! We’re sharing a dorm, Jesus Christ.”

It’s the end of August and their new school year is about to start in two weeks. Ian, Mickey and Mandy had decided to rent a two bedroom apartment for the three of them. It’s not moving in together, it’s a dorm, with his boyfriend’s sister. He doesn’t get why Fiona is making a big deal out of this.

“It’s basically living together, alright. You have to pay this each month! Gas, water, electric and rent!”

“Yes, we know that, we have been discussing to do this for months, alright. The three of us have a job and apprenticeship, we’ll be just fine!”

“Whatever, I’m keeping your bed made.” She throws her hands in the air and goes downstairs to grab another box out of the van.

 

Both Mickey and Mandy come _home_ to the apartment that night. They had painted it together the week before and today Ian had put the furniture back – thank god the owner let them have it. He decorated the rest of it, made the beds and aired the place out so it doesn’t smell of paint and cleaning products.

The siblings work at a diner together. Mandy serves and Mickey works in the kitchen. It works for them and the pay is great. Their summer had been perfect, actually. Ian knows their new school year will be even better.

Mandy packs an overnight bag to go to Jordan’s place and leaves with a smirk on her face and a wink.

 _It looks amazing, good job._ Mickey signs.

_Thanks, Fi helped a lot. Wanna see the bedroom?_

Mickey nods and Ian guides him towards the room by his hand. Their room isn’t big, but the apartment in general isn’t. Though it fits a double bed, a dresser and a desk. They painted it a light grey color that fit the black furniture well.

Ian closes the door to show Mickey the whiteboard he hung against it.

_I know we don’t use it a lot anymore, but it’s a nice memory._

They only use the whiteboard anymore when they have problems – which is basically never - like when something bothers them and they don’t really want to talk about it anytime soon. Or when something bothers them about each other. It’s a good method to actually _talk_ about things and it’s kind of what kept them from having blowouts. Because after their fight about the doctor, Ian didn’t want to fight with Mickey anymore. Not once. Ever.

_It is, it’s good._

And it is. It really is good. The way they start kissing passionately, the way Mickey breathes every time Ian touches him, like every time it’s the first time they do it. Like he still can’t get used to Ian’s touch, the feeling of his hands on his skin.

It’s good when they’re finally undressed and lying on the bed totally naked. Ian on top of Mickey as the guy is lying limp under him. Ian kisses his scars, but not the way he usually does. He knows Mickey hates them but Ian doesn’t hate them at all, he loves them. They show Mickey he’s a survivor, that he’s strong.

So Ian takes his time kissing them, licking them. He takes his time taking Mickey apart with only his mouth and tongue, but he doesn’t let him come. Ian wants to prolong this as long as he can, wants to take his time, all night if Mickey lets him. And god, does Mickey let him...

He’s been rimming Mickey for a full ten minutes – they only started doing this recently, and Mickey _loves_ it – when Mickey turns them around and shoves Ian on his back to straddle him. His breaths are coming out ragged and his erection is wood hard, standing up against his stomach, an angry red color.

Mickey takes the lube off the nightstand and pours a generous amount on his hands. He uses most of it to wet Ian’s dick and with the rest he quickly prepares himself for Ian’s cock.

“You look so good, Mickey, fuck,” Ian can’t stop touching him. He touches him all over his chest and stomach, light touches across his hipbones and navel, knowing he’s ticklish. He moves his hands towards Mickey’s ass to join him, one finger sliding in next to Mickey’s.

He pulls his own fingers out and wipes them on the bed before grabbing onto Mickey’s hands roughly and pulling him up. Mickey grins and does the rest of the work, guiding Ian in and sliding down. He grimaces while doing it and Ian lets him adjust for a few seconds before he starts moving upwards.

Mickey looks kind of pained at first and the ache of the first intrusion always makes his erection go down a little but soon enough, Ian has found the spot he was aiming for and Mickey is back in the game.

They lose themselves into each other. They always do. Lose themselves in some kind of world where it’s just the two of them and it’s perfect. The slide of hot, sweaty skin. The sound of their skin slapping against each other and their ragged breaths and groans and whimpers. Even the smell is intoxicating, what with the smell of sex and come in the air, and the faint smell lube.

Ian loses himself in Mickey completely. He turns them around and he sees Mickey reaching for his cock to bring himself off but Ian stops him and pinches the base of Mickey’s cock tightly so he doesn’t come just yet and Mickey whines in frustration. He doesn’t want it to be over yet, he wants to keep going for hours but he can feel himself come closer to the edge.

Ian comes then, inside of Mickey. They stopped using condoms a month ago after testing themselves together and Mickey loves it when Ian comes inside of him. Ian should probably find it a little gross, but he can’t help himself when he pulls out and watches his come trickle down Mickey’s thighs.

He immediately slides down Mickey’s body and starts kissing his abdomen and groin, teasing him before he takes Mickey’s cock in his mouth, starting at the crown and taking his time sucking him until the base. It isn’t an easy task either, because Mickey sure has length for the petit guy he is.

Mickey is into it though, whatever Ian does that includes his mouth and tongue, Mickey will be into it. So it only takes a matter of seconds before he’s coming down Ian’s throat and babbling unintelligible words. He looks completely spent and barely has any energy left to pull the covers over both of them but he looks happy and there’s a look of utter bliss on his face.

Ian tucks the both of them under the covers – cleaning up, what even is cleaning up? – and turns them so they’re spooning.

“I love you.” Ian whispers against Mickey’s ear before he kisses his neck. It’s the first time he’s said it, ever. Mickey sighs and tries to pull Ian impossibly tighter against his body. It’s good. It’s perfect.

 

The next day when Ian wakes up he’s alone because Mickey has the morning shift again. He’s surprised he hadn’t even woken up when Mickey left.

He gets up to go to the bedroom but gets distracted when he sees the whiteboard. On it there’s a drawing of an open hand, middle finger and ring finger bent. The sign that means “I love you.”

In the corner, Mickey had written “too.”

Ian takes a picture of it, just to remind himself later that this is real. His insides are fluttering and he’s feeling light and feathery.

He prints the picture, frames it and hangs it next to a picture of the three of them at the Halloween party with Mickey’s drawing.

Yeah, it’s going to be a good year.


End file.
